Alright, so. Story goes like this. I've know this girl, Chelsie, for about four years now. We met on a game online and we've been really close ever since then. Over the past few months, i've been developing strong feelings for her. So early September, I confessed how I felt about her. She replied, saying that she's always liked me but was too scared to act on her feelings because she adored our friendship and didn't want to ruin what we had. Biggest problem about this, though, was that she had a boyfriend at that time. She also lives clear across the country. I'm on the East, she's on the West.
Anyway. After we told eachother how we felt, we started talking a lot more than usual. We even talked on the phone for a bit for the first time ever. She started saying 'i love you', but i'm not sure if it was a friend thing or if it had meaning behind it. So as time went on, I started developing the fear that I would become a bother, or annoying because I texted her almost every day. And that's a mistake I made in a previous relationship. So I told her that I was torn on what to do and she said that I could never become an annoyance and not to worry about it. So fast forward to now. Everything seems to be changed. When we talk, it's only for a short period of time. She doesn't call me 'love' anymore, doesn't say 'i love you' anymore. This past weekend, I texted her, asking how her weekend went and she said that her and her boyfriend, stated above, had "kinda" broken up. But she also said that her and a mutual friend of theirs "kinda" got close. We talked for a bit more, and it showed that she really likes this other guy.
So this is what i'm trying to figure out. I'm a really indecisive person. I told her about two weeks ago that I was thinking about backing off for awhile, not text her all the time because the fear of becoming annoying popped up again. She seemed pretty upset when I mentioned this, so the next day I talked to her about it. I asked if that's what she wanted me to do, cause she seemed pretty upset when I brought it up. This is her exact reply: "Well. I didn't want you to just...back off. Cause I still love you and didn't want to lose you there. But then again, i'm the one making the situation because now i'm afraid of long distance relationships and i'm the one with the boyfriend. So I dunno. I want you, but I don't want to give up what I've already worked so hard to have just yet." Now, this was before her and her boyfriend broke up. And she's been in a few long distance relationships before which ended rocky, hence the fear. Anyway. I decided to take back the whole backing off thing until recently. I told her about two or three days ago that I was going to stop trying to force conversations and not text her constantly. I figure she'll text me if she wants to talk to me.
I've tried talking to a few friends and all their opinions and advice don't really help, some tell me to do one thing, some tell me to do something opposite. Some say I blew my chance, etcetc. So I decided to come here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
First, I would strongly recommend that you immediately start dating (or at least pursuing) women who live within a reasonable driving distance from your home. A long distance relation, while romantic and exciting, is very difficult to maintain and takes enormous effort from both parties. And frankly, you aren't really in "a relationship" with this girl. You are (basically) the text message version of pen pals... with an occasional phone call thrown in.
Having said all of that, if you don
Having said all of that, if you don
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.