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He Put Me Before His Kids

Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:

What is your relationship status:
In Committed Relationship

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
In Committed Relationship

How long have the two of you been together:
5 months

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
3 to 4 times a week

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
I have no kids, He has 2 kids ages 11 and 5

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

We got into a big argument over what I had gotten him for Christmas, and during the argument he stated that he cut his kid's Christmas short to get me what I wanted? I'm very bothered by that. I feel as a woman I shouldn't be with a man who won't put his kids first. What should I do?

Re: He Put Me Before His Kids

Sounds like you're getting to know him over the course of five months of dating, and this character issue where he puts you, his girlfriend, ahead of his minor children, is a problem for you. It's great that you know your mind and you're able to recognize this issue quickly. Now, you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or a flashing yellow light. If there are other incompatibilities in values that the two of you seem to have, you may find that you're just too different to make this work in the long run. But if this is the only issue, and it's about presents -- not health care or education or paying child support or his mortgage -- you may want to wrap your head around the fact that this is a guy who puts his partner ahead of his children, and that's not always a bad thing as long as there is consistency and the kids get their needs met. When children in divorce situations are spoiled or feel that they can manipulate a situation (like their father and his girlfriend), they've got an unhealthy balance of power. So the fact that the two of you disagree on this issue is less important than the fact that his kids are well cared for. This may just be a difference that you can work through.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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