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Dear readers and forum members:

Due to the demands of a new project I must suspend our forum activity. I am so sorry.

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Confused about my current relationship

I work with this guy (39/m) and had a crush on him since I (31/f) started work (6 years ago). We would flirt back and forth. One night he initiated going for drinks. I invited my cousin cause I was nervous. She eventually left. So I was talking with him and he said he was with her child's mother (who lives abroad) So I wondered to myself what was he doing out with me flirting. We danced flirted more but he didn't initiate anything. Next time we hung out for a friends bday and hooked up. He continued to come over and text ever so often. I asked him after a couple of weeks were it was headed and he said his situation (child's mother) hadn't changed. So I backed off. We saw each other at another function and hooked up again. This continued for a while and even went on a double date with my bff. I then asked him if all this was was hooking up and his response was "no its more, we are everything except the title". I left it alone and went with it. He then spent over $100 on a Christmas gift before he left to go home to visit his family and child. When he returned we were supposed to hang out for New Year's Eve but he said because of his father illness he wasn't up to celebrating. I asked if I should come over after and he said to call him. I called him extremely late and he said he wanted me to come over. I asked him in a round about way if he had had sex when he went back home and he said yes. Yet in the same breath was saying emotionally he was 100% with me. I don't know if I should continue to see him, just walk away or ask him what the deal is?

Re: Confused about my current relationship

You're not confused -- you're disappointed. You know what the deal is because he's been clear with you -- you just haven't been clear with ourself. He told you from day one that he was committed to the mother of his child even though she is in another country, and it sounds like they have a long distance relationship that is romantic. That said, he's also dating you.

The big question is, are you okay with this? If you are, then you should enjoy yourself. But if you're looking for a monogamous commitment, it's always best to date a guy who isn't involved with someone else from the get go. ;) This guy is being very clear that he likes you a lot and he has feelings for you, but he's also involved with his child's mother. The ball is in your court. Focus on your personal goals and then see them through. You have to make decisions about your own dating life. You can't wait for others to do it for you -- it's not their job. It's yours. :)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.