Please call 310.288.6611 to schedule an interview or consultation with April Masini.


Dear readers and forum members:

Due to the demands of a new project I must suspend our forum activity. I am so sorry.

I wish you all the very best, always.

Confidentiality is protected, however your post and account cannot be edited or deleted once it has gone live on the forum. No exceptions.

Asking an old friend to date from a long distance

I have know her for 6.5 years. I have had a crush on her for the majority of the time we've known each other, and I have gotten the same vibes from her in the past. I'm cautious, and don't want to ruin a good friendship. We met in college and have been best friends ever since. We saw each other on a daily basis. She graduated about 3 years after we met and moved to another state. After she moved, we talked infrequently. I graduated and got a job about 6 hours from her. My group of friends from college try to get together annually and catch up. We recently got together for one of our meetings, and I realized how much I like her. Shortly after, I was told by a friend (who is also a friend of my crush) that she was waiting for me to make a move.

So I've resolved to ask her out, and have already planned on visiting her in about a month. The complexity of my situation is that we haven't been communicating on a regular basis for a long time and we can't easily get together. It doesn't help that I found out that she's waiting for me from someone else; it could be rumor! I have considered just calling her up and telling her how I feel before I go visit her, but have reservations about that because of the lack of recent communication. I also think this option is shallow, I'd rather ask in person rather than over the phone. I have also considered sharing how I feel while I'm visiting her, but I don't want to catch her off guard. Since we are both introverted, she'd appreciated a heads up before I bring this up. I'm just not quite sure how to go about asking her out now.

Re: Asking an old friend to date from a long distance

You're making a lot of excuses instead of taking action. ;) All you have to do is ask her out, and you shouldn't wait any more. You've had a crush on her for over six years - it would be a shame to let any more time go by and possibly lose your opportunity. Carpe diem!

I know you want to ask her out in person, but since you don't live close by, pick up the phone. Women love to hear a man's voice, and it's one of the things that actually bonds them to you. You may not realize this, but your voice is an attractor when it comes to women, so call her up and ask her out. Make a plan to see her and follow through.

This isn't complex -- you're just overthinking it. Don't worry so much about catching her off guard -- in fact, it could be very romantic if you do! And don't worry about the lack of communication recently -- because if she says yes to your date, you'll be in touch with her a lot more!

Lastly, don't share your feelings -- share an experience together. Have a romantic dinner or a special date where you take her somewhere beautiful to have an adventure together. If you want to build a romance together, then start by calling her, asking her out and making a plan that you follow through on. You'll be so much happier when you start taking action -- and so will she! 8-)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.