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Advice needed.

I've been in a relationship with My boyfriend for 6 + months.

A few months ago we became long distance because of our careers. I have admitted from the get-go that I am not good with distance but gave it a shot.

Everything was going good and he started to talk about moving in together. That was November and he even stayed with me a few weeks to test the waters. It went swimmingly.

The months following through, we would bring up the subject and he says he can do it, but then say he has to figure out details, so I let it lie. He has obligations at home he needed to figure out before he knows if he can do it or not.

What gets me is he says he can do it then says he doesn't know. This confuses me and doesn't help with my anxiety over the distance.

That's when, after the holidays, I took a long, hard look at myself and realized I am anxious and insecure from the distance and felt he is saying things just to make me happy. So I told him over text that perhaps we should take a break (we had several heart to hearts before).

Of course, he was mad and hurt ( I was too and I know I hurt his ego) but he stated that taking a break is not the solution.

So we talked a few times (I called him).

I know he needed his space, but I did not like how cold he was during one of our conversations.

So in our last conversation, I mentioned that to him along with the fact that he has never talked to me that way before, I don't want to be in a relationship where someone cannot be honest with me and just tells me things to make me happy. I think at that point we were just both emotionally exhausted.

I asked him how he wanted to proceed, all he told me was he loved me and everything will be ok. I didn't push it after that and just accepted it and told him I love him too.

We said good night and now he has not contacted me or texted me and it's been going on 2 days. That's unusual for him.

I'm giving him his space but it's driving me crazy and I cry over the thought that the damage has been done ( from my decision to take a break) and he's just going to disappear rather than tell me we are done ( or if we are going to continue the relationship).

Re: Advice needed.

I'm sorry you're upset. It sounds like you're really invested in this six month relationship and it's not paying off. :( You're looking to him to give you the commitment you want and the love you need and he's not doing it. So, here's my advice: First of all, make all your communication with him upbeat, sexy, enticing and alluring. When you become needy, he's looking at a girlfriend who he's not satisfying, so he's not going to find you attractive the way he will when you're someone he wants. I know it's tough because you are feeling needy, but the catch here is that you have to take care of yourself so that when you do have contact with him, it's a pleasure, not a burden. ;)

Next, take care of you! Stop knocking on doors that are closed. Get out there and have some fun! You can join a new gym, take an art or cooking class, give yourself a makeover, host a party, go to a spa with a friend -- give yourself the emotional, social and physical nourishment you need to be okay with a boyfriend who's long distance and maybe having doubts about the relationship. If you want to date and play the field, given the circumstances, that's okay. Long distance relationships require a longer leash because there's so much uncertainty as a result of the distance. And.... this relationship is still new. Typically, I suggest you date for six months before deciding whether or not to be monogamous -- and that's in an "in town" relationship. Add a little time to long distance relationships.

Bottom line, you have to back away a little and see this for what it is -- a new, wobbly relationship where your guy isn't sure about his commitment to you, and it's long distance so you don't have lunch dates during the week, sleepovers every weekend, etc. Take good care of you -- and you'll feel better because there will be less emphasis on your investment in this newish relationship. I hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

Re: Advice needed.

Yes, definitely wait for him to reach out to you. The ball's in his court. If he doesn't, then move on. I know it's not what you want to hear, but if he doesn't contact you, he's not interested, and you'll have clarity. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.