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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

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April
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Desperately Need Help

#1
I live with my mother who is over protective and mosey. In Dec. I met the most amazing woman, EB. EB is a law student with a busy schedule.

On one date, my mother called me while I was with EB and asked where I was. So I lied to mother in front of EB. EB was worried by my lies but I explained I did it for privacy. Friday, I spent all day with EB and again lied to my mother. That night we had a nice dinner and EB wanted me to stay the night but I left to run errands in the AM.

Next day I asked if I could by and spendthe night. EB said she I sn't sure how she feels about my lying to be around her and that she needs time to decide what she wants to do.

I send EB a text the next day apologizing and I sent her roses as an apology. I sent a text and 2 VMs asking if we could speak.

Thinking EB didn't get my txts I send EB a Facebook msg. EB replies and says that she's worried I'm looking for a more serious relationship than she's looking for and doesn't think it's a good idea for us to keep dating.

Like an idiot, I sent a total of 35 messages over 3 days apologizing and asking for another chance.

EB replies that she doesn't want to see me because I lack emotional control and I was disrespectful/rude. EB says that I should stop before she blocks me. EB also said that if she was going to give me another chance, that she wasn't now because I acted immaturely and I had gone from a nice guy to creepy and rude.

Can I fix this? I know I should have left EB alone, but I wanted to show her that I could be mature/respectful.

Re: Desperately Need Help

#2
You may be able to fix this.... but not this week or this month or next month. In other words.... you need to show this woman that you do have impulse control and aren't desperate, and that means you have to back off big time, for now. ;)

The problem is that when you contacted her 35 times in 36 hours, you came across as desperate -- and she feels you were creepy and rude by disrespecting her boundaries. I'm sure you didn't intend to present this kind of an image, but that's how she took it. You were thinking about your own needs and trying to do fast and furious damage control for protecting your relationship with your mother at the expense of your relationship with her. So, now, it's time to start strategizing by thinking of your relationship with your romantic partners and how to balance them with the rest of your life. ;) I know that staying away and not contacting this woman is going to be tough for you, but you have to show her that you're respectful of her boundaries and you do have a life of your own without her.

To really do that, I think you should get your own home instead of living with your mother. Since you're 30 years old, having your own place will show that you're serious about being single, independent and ready for a romantic relationship with a partner. Next, I think you should stop answering your mother's phone calls while you're on dates. If she's sick or ill, get her a babysitter like you would a child -- so that you can focus on dating. ;)

Hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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