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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

I wish you all the very best, always.

April
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I don't know what to do with her. Am I prolonging this fool's errand?

#1
Hello April. I put a link below where I discussed this matter. I'd appreciate it if you could read it because this ordeal really bugs me and I don't know what to do. You’ll get a better insight if you read my posts (primogennn).

http://www.girlschase.com/boards/viewto ... =3&t=15143

In summary, there is a girl in my class and I believe I'm in love with her but it turned out that she is already seeing someone else. In the first day of classes I felt somewhat attracted to her and after a month or two I found myself looking at her pictures in facebook and instagram. And ever since I just can't forget about her because she has what I need, what I look for in life. I talked to her and asked her if she had a research report partner to get to know her about two months ago near the end of the fall term. She told me she had a partner but then I asked her If she had a partner for the winter term and she told me to ask her next term. We had a class yesterday and I didn't ask her because I'd sent her an email last week somewhat revealing my emotions because I just couldn't wait and she told me she was already seeing someone. After her email I asked her if she was taking a course that I'm taking and she didn't reply and I figured she is just not interested and this also contributed to me not asking her yesterday.
I was starting to get better but I'm slowly shifting to my miserable state again after seeing her yesterday. She was so beautiful yesterday and knowing someone else has her just makes me so mad. When I see her she just upsets my reality, blinds me with hope and desire and I don't know what to do. Should I ask her one more time if she is looking for a research report partner or am I just wasting my time? My plan was to write the reports together but what if she doesn't want to meet up to get them done? After I saw her yesterday I again realized that she is too valuable for me to just let go but I guess there isn't much I can do if she is not interested? But then I ask myself too many what if's.
I don't know whether it's love or obsessions I just don't want to feel it anymore. It's affecting me and my studies. I just need to know what to do next.

Re: I don't know what to do with her. Am I prolonging this fool's errand?

#2
As a rule, I don't read posts on other websites in order to help people here, but you are most welcome to cut and paste anything you need to, and post it here for me to consider, next time. ;) So, without having looked at the website link you included, and just reading what you wrote here, it really sounds like you like her and want to date her, but haven't asked her out and you're anxious about whether or not she likes you. Instead of asking her out, you're using this study partner situation as a way to put off asking her out, probably because you're afraid of rejection. Don't worry. You're not alone. Lots of people fear rejection. It's very common. And... there are some great ways to deal with this problem. First, understand that no one ever died from being rejected. The worst possible situation is that you ask her to have dinner or see a movie, and she says no. You'd be hurt, but you'd be able to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move on. And, in fact, that would be a gift because then you'd know if she's interested in you romantically or not. Right now, you've just been trying to get her to do a research project with you, and you still don't really know if she's interested in dating you. And the best part of pushing through fear of rejection is that she may want to date you! She may wonder why you haven't asked her out, and by doing so, she may actually say yes! So.... ask her out! Let her know you're interested in a date -- not a research partnership. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

Re: I don't know what to do with her. Am I prolonging this fool's errand?

#3
I forgot to mention but I actually asked her out on a lunch via email I sent last week. In her email she told me she was already seeing someone else so that means she is not interested in dating with me then.
You're right. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being rejected the second time because I'm too invested in her and I've fantasized too much about her. I'm afraid of her answer. I'm afraid of what she'll think of me.
Research report thing was just a way for me to introduce myself to her and also to know her a little bit better. Do you think it's worth asking her to prepare the reports with me? That is what I'd like to know. This way I'll be taking the friendship route but when she is available I'll have more chances assuming she'll have known more about me.
Based on your experience, if you think there is a chance in the near or far future, I'd like to take it and ask her if she wants to be my research report partner. If not, then I'll try my best to move on. But thank you very much I feel more comfortable now.

Re: I don't know what to do with her. Am I prolonging this fool's errand?

#4
Since you've asked her out and she told you that she's dating someone else, I think it's a good idea to move on. But... flirt with her. 8-) Let her know how successful you are and how interesting you are. Be a guy she'd like to date and have as a partner. You'd be surprised at how attractive someone suddenly becomes, once they're dating other people! :lol: She may have turned you down when it seemed like you only had eyes for her, but if she sees you're someone who attracts dates, she may become more interested -- and if you sense interest, go for it. Ask her to have coffee, and flirt with her on the coffee date and if things go well, ask her out for a real date. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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