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My Fiance called off our engagement and broke up with me

#1
My ex and I dated from 2.5 years and were engaged for 3 months. During the time of the engagement, I was on medication (since September) for my anxiety. This caused me to lose all sexual drive, interest, and feeling. In addition, I have learned now that the medicine was actually worsening my anxiety symptoms do to a chemical imbalance. Long story short, the medicine really fucked me up. I had no drive, I was insecure, I was short tempered (always kind of been but more than usual), and obviously the worst, I lost all sexual tendencies. I was terrible with fighting and communication. I would always try to "quick fix" things and then we'd fight again two weeks later. I would say horrible things like, "why are you so emotionally unstable," "give me back the ring." Well after two blowups in October, one in November (with her parents regarding the wedding), and then Xmas Eve. On Xmas eve I had stopped taking my medicine in hopes of regaining some sexual drive and feeling for the holidays. In front of my entire family I told her to get in the car we are leaving or give me back the ring. I can't even imagine how bad it hurt her. I was always bad about being controlling due to my anxiety. I never wanted to control her, just our environment to protect us. My breakouts were a result of me trying to protect/stand up for her. I failed pretty significantly at giving her space. And three days later she kicked me out and gave me back the ring. I continued to smoother her begging and pleading for her to come back. Then she kissed a guy while out drunk and angry. the last month I have failed to give her more than 2-3 days of space due to my GAD. She said she is no longer attracted to me and that she doesn't see a future with me anymore. I don't understand how you can go from engaged one moment to hardly any communication at all. She was my world and I didn't treat her right these past few months. I let my anxiety and insecurities take over and it pushed her away. I don't even know where to start. All I want is her back, and for her to show some type of emotion towards me indicating that she misses me.

Re: My Fiance called off our engagement and broke up with me

#2
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. :(

It sounds like a few things are going on here. First, you have some control and anger issues that entered into the break up. Second, you have a medicine issue that was a factor. And third, she ran out of patience for the first two issues. Obviously, it's important to take care of yourself before you can be in a relationship with anyone else, and it sounds like you and your physician need to talk about your medication and side effects -- and that's something you can and should do whether you're with her or not. The control and anger issues, as you know, drove her away. She was not only hurt, but embarrassed because you acted out in front of her family.

I think you're letting yourself off the hook a little too easily when you say that your acting out was an attempt to protect her and the relationship, or the environment.I would ask you what it is you were trying to protect her and yourselves from. So try and focus on your behavior and understand that actions have consequences. If you tell her to give you the ring back, you shouldn't be surprised when she does. And also, know that this breakup didn't happen overnight. It happened as a result of a series of relationship dynamics and fights that led to her leaving. You said two blow ups in October, one in November and one in December. That'll do it. :?

I know you want her back, but this isn't about what you want or don't want. It's about showing her you've changed and that the blow ups are something you've got some control over. Of course, you're going to have to work at this -- and I think you should. Also go see your physician and talk about the medication and side effects, and find a better balance.

I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.