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5 year relationship ended - should I let it go?

Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:38 pm
by quarterlifequestions
Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:

What is your relationship status:

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:

How long have the two of you been together:
5 years

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Once a week

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
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Are you divorced or just separated:
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How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
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What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

We started dating in college and have been doing long distance since graduating 4 years ago. I would have considered us to be soulmates. We had so much in common and we were a pair - everyone knew we would end up together. About a year ago, I started to ask him what he thought about getting married - he had never thought about it. We went on for a year skirting around the topic - but every time I asked him about it, he always reassured me. He got his grandmother's engagement ring to give me. He told me he knew how he would ask me to be his wife.
Last Thanksgiving, I started to get impatient. We had been talking about the same thing for over a year. When was he going to move? We got into an argument one night and I left his house. That was the last time I saw him.
Over the next few weeks, we spoke sporadically, but we weren't doing well. He eventually called me to say he wanted to take a break, but that he thought we could still end up together. We talked on the phone for 2 hours because neither of us wanted to hang up. I go through phases of being okay, to getting overwhelmed that I won't find someone as perfect for me.
Other than a text on New Year's Day, I have not heard from him. It's been 3 months since we broke up, and it seems like it's getting harder. It's strange for your best friend to become a stranger. I can make so many justifications for why the breakup was a mistake, like we were just going through a hard time in our lives (post-college, trying to be adults). I'm not sure if I'll ever be convinced that I will find someone better than him.

Re: 5 year relationship ended - should I let it go?

Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:26 pm
by April Masini
I think you should let go and move on. :( I know this is disappointing for you, but after dating for five years, four of them long-distance, he's made it clear that he's not interested in marriage. If he wanted you back, he'd come after you, but I think that his young age, the geographical distance between you, and the pressure you both felt about whether or not to marry, ultimately made this relationship combust. I completely understand how you wanted the relationship to end in marriage, but because he didn't bring it up first, and because it because something you were impatient about, it created a wedge between you. You're not wrong to want to get married -- but the problem is, you were incompatible on this issue at this time.

I think that the reason the three months since you broke up have been so difficult is because you don't really have a sense yet, that it's over. You're young and five years is a long time at any age -- but at your age, it's a big chunk of your life! If you accept the break up as final and grieve the ending of the relationship, you're going to have an easier time moving on, then if you keep checking to see if he's still there. And when you do move on, play the field, looking for someone who is ready for the same things in life you are. If you want marriage, date guys who seem to want the same thing, and don't commit to someone who has lots of good qualities -- but not what you really need in life. ;)

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else. :)

Re: 5 year relationship ended - should I let it go?

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 3:34 am
by karireynolds
I totally agreed with aprils' reply.

Re: 5 year relationship ended - should I let it go?

Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:03 pm
by April Masini
College relationships can be very meaningful -- and many times they're a first serious relationship for people, making them even more poignant. That's why it's particularly difficult to let go and move on when they wind down and sometimes even end without a big bang.