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Dear readers and forum members:

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April
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What should I do? I can only take so much!

#1
My husband has been unfaithful pretty well our entire marriage. He will get caught, "change", then a couple months later is continuing his behavior. My husband is diagnosed manic bipolar and is medicated. Most of our marriage he has had to be almost forced to take his medication due to lack of caring what his disease does or how it affects people around him. He is now medicated stabily as far as I know. Along with manic bipolar comes the compulsivity problems. His doctor has said that premescuity is a big trigger for his mania. I see it as he knows either way what is wrong from right.He sees what his infedelities do to his family and his marriage so he knows that it causes pain to other people.Knowing that you would think if he started to feel manic or like his compulsivity is going to start up then he would find a way to manage it by now so that it doesn't cause the pain and problems that it does. It has been a solid eight months that my husband has been continuously unfaithful toward me. There is an app out there called tinder and it is basically for people to meet and hook up that are close in general areas. He's two affairs with women one of whom was nineteen years old(those are only the affairs within the past eight months. There were more before).I really believed him that he was done and ready to be this family man he says he wants to be. But he has yet to be that man. Just a week ago I caught him on tinder.Talking to over literally and I kid you not a hundred women! He says and does everything possibly right for me to let him back in. There is just something different about this last time. It's like my cup is just too full. My heart is too broken. There is so much more to our situation but it is so hard to type it all. We do have a child together but I feel now and lately that it's almost worse off for my son if we do stay together. I am constantly stressed and sad. My son can feel that. It has affected me mentally. Now has started to affect me physically as I was recently diagnosed with shingles at 28 YEARS OLD!I feel like this is slowly killing me.I love this man.But not enough to live my life so miserably and for my son to be effected by it.

Re: What should I do? I can only take so much!

#2
I'm very sorry for your pain. It sounds like you keep holding out hope that he'll change and he doesn't. There's an old saying that it's a lot easier to make changes to yourself than it is to get someone else to make them, and if he's cheated on you the entire marriage, and you've been together for six and a half years, the question is, how much more are you will to take? Six years is a long time to hope that a chronic cheater is going to change. At some point, you'll hit your bottom and decide it's time for you to make the behavioral changes instead of waiting for him to do so -- because I don't think he will. Your body is telling you that the stress is too much for your health to handle, and you acknowledge that your child is feeling the stress of the family dynamic -- these are clues that it's time for you to change. Not him -- you. ;)

I know it's disappointing that the marriage has failed, but you have to be practical. Your child is counting on you to be there for him, and you deserve health and peace, so use this unfortunate incident to turn your life around. It's time for you to file for divorce, get a custody arrangement in place, separate physically, and start your own life as a single parent. It's not going to be easy, but you won't have the stress of living with a chronic cheater. Believe me -- I'm a big proponent of working things out, but if this has been going on for six years, you're with someone who's lifestyle is cheating. You can be part of that, or you can move on. Take a breath, and prepare to change your own behavior --- by getting out of a bad situation.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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