Please call 310.288.6611 to schedule an interview or consultation with April Masini.


Dear readers and forum members:

Due to the demands of a new project I must suspend our forum activity. I am so sorry.

I wish you all the very best, always.

Confidentiality is protected, however your post and account cannot be edited or deleted once it has gone live on the forum. No exceptions.

Is it ok to just walk away with no reason

I was separated and seeing a guy for 6 months but it was casual and I was moving at the end of it. I moved back and tried to make things work with my ex. He contacted me and even came overseas to see me and to ask for a chance to be with me. At the time I was overwhelmed and said no but then after a month I realised the depth of my feelings and flew to see him. He was seeing someone at the time but agreed to be with me if I moved for him as he didn't want LD anymore. We spoke everyday, then I visited him and he was still with the gf so I called it off and he ghosted me when I was upset and said he loved her and not me. 3 weeks later he called begging for another chance and said he only said it all because he was angry. We spent another month building trust and talking buthe has been hot and cold but tells me and writes "I love you/want to be with you/I cannot wait to see you". But more and more I realise we text not call. He says it is cause he has anxiety and true he is on antidepressants now but I am putting in effort for minimal return. Then the fun bit...he never really raised the topic and although he said he was "in the process" of breaking up with her so that when I am there he is single...I see due to the unfortunate fact we have 1-2 mutual friends that he is still with her. I am starting to feel angry and distrusting and with the distance I may be missing reasonable explanations but at the same time am I simply getting played by a guy who wants to have us both around. I get hooked whenever we talk, like an addiction. It feels one sided and somedays he calls other weeks he texts only. He has been with her for 5 months now. I am starting to think he is deceiving me. Could this be the ideal scenario to simply use the male technique of ghosting? Cause everytime I ever bring it up I end up either feeling sorry for him or believing him but my gut is starting to say just ditch him entirely from your life. It's very hard to know what to do and to have these feelings, and from our long friendship for 2 years he isn't really a deceptive person Am I being unfair on him as we still live so far apart?
What should I do...? Feels so one sided...

Re: Is it ok to just walk away with no reason

Long distance is a lot harder than an in town relationship, and I always advise that you have to give each other way more slack in a long distance relationship than in an in town one. It sounds like you're both having trouble giving each other that space in a long distance relationship because you want commitment and he wants someone to be with, in a way that the distance isn't affording him. That's why he's seeing this other woman who's in town. I completely understand why you're upset about it, but the problem is, you've only been dating six months -- and that entire six months has been long distance. In general, in an in-town relationship, I suggest you use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to continue dating that person, and if you do, the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. Long-distance relationships take longer than that six months to decide monogamy because you don't have the luxury of seeing each other several times a week, to get to know each other and the relationship. So, in addition to the distance challenge, you've got a timeline that you're rushing. You're not wrong -- but you're making it tough on yourself and the relationship when you're long distance, at the six month mark, and expecting a commitment that a) needs more time to develop and b) may just not be there for him.

In answer to your specific questions, he's definitely avoiding your questions because he doesn't want to disappoint you. He's dating this other woman who is in town, and while he has feelings for you, he wants the comfort of a real life relationship that this other woman provides. Texting is a way to distance himself from you -- phone calls and real life dates are more personal. And as to what you should do, I think that you really want a commitment that he isn't ready or willing to give. If you can't play the field in town, while getting to know him long distance (including getting to know his honesty and commitment levels), then I think you should decide that long distance is not for you and look to date someone in town.

I hope that helps. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.