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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

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April
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Hiding our relationship from social media friends

#1
My Fiance has 500+ friends on Facebook and she does not want me to be one of her Facebook friends. She is careful what to post on Facebook about us. Her profile photo is even one of us from a month ago with me chopped of the photo (just shows her). She says she wants Facebook to just be about her and her kids and not her relationship. She says she doesn't want everyone to see me because if the relationship doesn't work out she would feel stupid. I still feel like she is not fully embracing our relationship by hiding me from so many people. She does tell many people about me; her mom, sisters, brother, and friends in her area. But many of her friends in Brazil, and I don't know who else, are kept in the dark about me. She really wants to get married in the next couple months so that she can go to Brazil in December to see her mom for her Mom's birthday she says. How should I feel about me being kept a secret and not part of her Facebook life? How should I approach this? I already talked about it one and she gave the reply above. I can't help but feel that this is not right. I feel like there is more to it than I know. Maybe a boyfriend in Brazil, maybe she doesn't want the comments that some people may make about us, I don't know what it is. She is even afraid to announce to everyone on Facebook that she is engaged to be married.

Re: Hiding our relationship from social media friends

#2
She's using you to get a green card and gain citizenship. :? That's why she doesn't want anyone on social media to know about you and the relationship she has with you. It's why she doesn't tell her friends in Brazil about you. And it's why she's rushing the wedding -- not because she wants to marry you, but because she wants the benefit the legal status she'd gain by marrying you, that she needs to travel. :( I don't think she's doing this for love -- she's doing it to help cure her legal problems. :(

Slow down, my friend. You haven't been divorced a year yet. You need time to heal and figure out why the divorce happened so you don't repeat mistakes that might lead to another divorce. Don't rush to replace your ex-wife without getting to someone new really well! Take a year or more before you get engaged. You're rushing, and you're not making a good decision in marrying this woman. She's got a lot of challenges that she's bringing to the relationship that you really need to think through and I don't think you have. For instance... the two fathers of her two children will play a part in your life, as will your two out of state children and their mother. Blended families are complicated, normally -- and you're bringing her legal and long distance problems into a possible marriage, as well as her two kids and your out of state kids who are going through their own reactions to the divorce between you and their mom which is less than a year old. :?

Tell your girlfriend that you want to date her for a year before getting engaged and married. If she loves you and is committed to the relationship, she'll be okay with it. And make sure that while you're still dating, you go to her country with her and meet her family and friends so you don't have to worry about her harboring a secret boyfriend. As for her legal issues, suggest she work those out first, before considering marriage. I hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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