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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

I wish you all the very best, always.

April
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Post first date?

#1
I am 22 years old, gay. I met a really great guy about a month ago that I connected with instantly and had the best first date. He's 29. It was almost like soulmate chemistry and connection. I've never felt that so instantly with someone and I've been in a long term relationship. He lives in DC and I live about 4 hours from there. We met through social media, and talked for a few weeks. We really did not talk that much before the date. We have the best date, the type that started with coffee, led to dinner, and ended with us waking up together. He tells me "I've never met anyone like you" he then looked at me with a smile, and I asked "why are you smiling" and he said "your face just makes me smile." It was a great night and (yes we did hookup, but not all the way) but he was so into me, we connected and talked about things only each other got. We really got each other and he agreed. I can tell when a man doesn't like me. The next morning he texted me with a had a great time text. A week later after our date I was back in DC for a conference and he said he was busy and we would get together next time. We still talk off and on, but it's been two weeks since we last talked really. He will occasionally like a photo of mine here and there online, but it just seems to be dwindled to nothing now. How does it go from that connection and that date to nothing? Is it that we are not in the same city yet, I will be there all summer for an internship, or is it he is just really busy (he is looking for new jobs) ? It's been 2 weeks since we talked.

Re: Post first date?

#2
I know it's disappointing, but he's not as into you as you are into him. If he was, he'd ask you out or start making plans for a date. ;) Whenever you're confused about a relationship, look at the behavior to understand what's happening. You had one date, he's not making any moves to rekindle romance, for him, this isn't that big a deal. Take the adjectives out -- because they're confusing. Just state the facts. :) When you start talking to yourself about how much he liked you, how you caught each others' gazes -- you're trying to convince yourself of something that may not be happening. If you just state the facts, it's easier to get out of that state of confusion about "what happened???".

I believe he liked you a lot -- but sometimes people aren't into relationships, as much as they are dating, and you learn that through their behavior. When you meet online there's a lot greater chance of that happening because people don't feel as guilty when they don't see you in real life after a date that they're not thrilled about, or that wasn't a turning point in life for them, as it was for their date. Sometimes they're simply playing the field and they're busy or more interested in someone else than you. And sometimes they like you, but they're just not excited about exploring things. Dating is a process and you're in the process. One great date doesn't equal a relationship -- or even a second date!

For now, play it cool. Stay in touch, but don't invest a lot of energy. Since you're going to be in the same city as him this summer, you'll have a much better idea then, where this is going. Long distance -- even four hours -- is a lot more difficult to launch than an in town relationship that's easy. And I think that plays a part in this failure to launch. You should play the field and date other people, but keep in touch with him.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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