Premium RUSH! Response One RUSH! Response - one time fee. When you need the answer to your question FAST!
Premium PRIVATE Forum When privacy matters. Now you can ask April your question, and get her response, in complete privacy. Your question will never be displayed publicly. Only April will read it, and only April will answer it.
Go to premium plans page
Confidentiality is protected, however your post and account cannot be edited or deleted once it has gone live on the forum. No exceptions.

Do I go ahead with the wedding?

Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:

What is your relationship status:
In Committed Relationship

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
In Committed Relationship

How long have the two of you been together:
3 years

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
April 20, 2017

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Both our families belong to different cultures in India. Also, my parents are more open and better financially that the guy's family.

We have common interests & values towards life, but have different personalities. I avoid conflicts and am very patient, My bf is a very caring guy but is impatient and gets angry for stupid things. He is too sensitive, and due to his friends bullying him in college in the past, has tough time hanging out in groups. Also, he hates working under supervisors at work. He had conflicts with bosses at workplaces and does not make a great sub-ordinate due to his nature. We worked at the same place for 2 years and I have seen him getting into conflicts with bosses. Though he is extremely smart, his nature never made him successful at workplaces. Our approach to careers are totally different and I do not know if he will ever be successful. But, he is also someone who is very determined and does things very well if he believes in it.

He is very understanding with me, has always given importance to what i say, and has supported me through tough times. He also listens to me and gives me lot of attention. But, his nature of impatience & complaining gets to me. He underwent health issues over the last one year, which made him stressed out at work and personally, and I was very supportive throughout. But his nature drained me in the process and now I am scared if he would always be like this. Also, sometimes he is over protective about me and that bugs me as well. I somewhere feel hesitant to marry him because of these personality differences. Also, I do not like his parents that much as they seem very stringy and financially dependent on him (though they have savings).

Re: Do I go ahead with the wedding?

You're 31, he's 32 and you've dated for three years. If you are not sure about a wedding that is scheduled to take place next month, then you should postpone it. Time may help you feel more confident about marrying or not marrying. However, with a request for postponement, he may feel that if you are not ready after dating him for three years, then the two of you are just not a match, and and he may want to move on. He may feel that he's shown you who he is, as have you, him, and if you still have doubts, then he would like to move on and find someone who doesn't. If you are okay with that -- or even relieved by that thought -- then chances are, this isn't a good match for you. But if you worry about losing him, then you may just have pre-wedding jitters.

His being stressed out over health issues is normal. That it drained you requires you to develop boundaries within the relationship. ;) His impatience and quick fuse aren't out of the realm of normal -- and you also describe him as caring. You say he's smart but suffers some social issues that have kept him from getting ahead -- maybe you can help him with this, or accept it. And his parents would not be the first set of in-laws that prove to be a challenge for a new couple, if you and he marry.

You haven't mentioned anything about him that is a red flag -- but the fact that you have mentioned all of this makes it sounds like you have doubts about marrying him because either he's not "the one" for you and there is someone better suited to you still out there, or, perhaps you're not ready to be married and settled with all the compromise that marriage requires of people with foibles. People marry for all sorts of reasons, and what you describe in your fiancee may be fine for someone else, but a series of deal breakers for you. You have to decide if you are ready to be married and if so, if he's the someone you want to be married to! Feeling trapped is awful, so use these next few weeks to try and figure out if you want to postpone the wedding, call it off, or nurture yourself through cold feet. :)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests