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Ex boyfriend married someone else whilst we were together , feeling hurt and betrayed

#1
Hi April.

I was in a relationship for 2 years with my now ex Peter until March this year. He was my first love and we dated for four years in 2002 but this ended due to lack of time on his part and I felt he wasn't commited enough .

We reconnected over 2 years ago by text and phone calls, I had come out of a 6 year relationship and bought my first place and we started seeing each other . We became close again and a year

In March this year my brother went to a work reunion and found out Peter got married last Oct by former colleagues , he was stunned and said he was seeing my sister. After much investigation from my brothers other half, she found a wedding invite and address on Facebook and drove to his house and sent me a picture of his car registration, I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. I confronted Peter by phone asking if he was married, he denied it several times and said I told people I was getting married to shut them up, he eventually confessed on the phone after I gave him the opportunity to tell me face to face the day before at my flat, he lied and said Debbie (wife) is an ex. My mum has late stages of dementia and I've had bladder health problems for four years and he felt it would destroy me.

Around this time my mum was in hospital for 7 weeks and I had to be strong but worse of all feeling so alone and having nobody at home to support me through an already difficult time
After NC for two months, he rang me up saying he misses me and loves me. He said he was pressured by family and wife to get married and has married the wrong woman.

Re: Ex boyfriend married someone else whilst we were together , feeling hurt and betrayed

#2
I'm sorry you were betrayed and you're so hurt. It's terrible when someone lies to you -- especially about something so important. The bottom line is he lied to you. He probably lied to his wife and I'm sure he's lying to other people, as well. I would encourage you to not date him anymore -- there's no way to have an honest, healthy and happy relationships with someone who lies like this.

That you're lonely is a separate problem. I would love to see you date and get into a healthy, happy relationship with someone who's fun and stable and can be with you when times are tough or light. Don't let this failed relationship bring you down. You need to let go of this guy and move on. Make sure you stay social, let your friends and family know you want to date and ask them to fix you up with someone they can vouch for as a good guy. Invite people over, have parties and get out there and connect with people. You're right to be hurt and betrayed -- but you need to take care of yourself and find yourself a good guy to date.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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