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Not sure what to do

Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:
about 35 I think

What is your relationship status:

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
In Committed Relationship

How long have the two of you been together:

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
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What country do you live in:

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I work at a very large factory and I'm fairly introverted. About a year ago I got a new position that has me working all over the plant around a lot of different co workers.
One area had a woman that I was attracted to. Over time I started seeing her looking at me and turning away when I looked up. Then I noticed she seemed to get nervous a couple of times when I was closer to her to do my work, she would fumble and drop stuff. The next time I'm out there she's nowhere to be seen. I find out she's gone to the opposite shift and won't be back for 3 months. She eventually comes back about a month or so ago. I start saying hi, smiling to her and such. Last week I ended up out there like 3 days out of five instead of the one out of every week and a half like normal. Then one day I'm out there talking to one of her guy coworkers I'd gotten to know and she joins in on the conversation. A couple of hours later I'm walking past her and she stops me and starts a conversation with me. Next time I'm out she smiles and waves as I go by before I'd gotten to her area yet. Later when she sees me talking to coworker again she asks what we're talking about, I'd been telling him to check out a certain TV show I'm into. She loves it the show too. I tell her to check out a new YouTube vid, she says she will. I also find out a woman in my work area was her workout partner at the gym for a while. I ask my coworker if she's single and am told she was 6 months ago, she switched gyms and coworker hasn't had much contact since. At this point I'm really thinking things are going well and planning on asking her out next time I see her.
Then a couple of days later I get kind of blind sided. I get to her area. She's sees me, smiles really big and motions for me to come over to her. She says she watched it and talked about her and her boyfriend watching it. It took me completely off guard, but I think I hid it okay. I didn't say anything about him and just kept on talking about it. Then she tells me that a female friend the next area over got her watching and I need to go talk to her?
So, now I'm not really sure what's going on or what to do. What should I do?

Re: Not sure what to do

You've got to stop the train of missed opportunities. :( I know you're shy and introverted, but if you don't ask her out on a date, you'll never get the chance to see if she'll say yes. ;) If she's dating someone else, and you ask her out, she can tell you that she'd love to if she were single, or she can tell you that she'd love to -- period. From what you've written, it really sounds like she likes you, so the worst case scenario is that she turns you down because she's with someone else -- but you won't die from that. :) And... if she does end up breaking up with him (if it's even true she's seeing someone else), she'll have you on her mind and she may give you a clue that she's single again and interested in dating you. Bottom line, you have to bite the bullet, risk possible rejection knowing there's an up and a down side to this risk -- and that they're both part of life -- and ask her out on a date. You can even preface your asking her out by saying that you're normally shy but she's been too much of a temptation to stay shy -- and that you'd like to take her to dinner over the weekend. It's a way of flattering her, getting your point across, and putting the ball in her court. I can tell you're upset about the time lost when you haven't asked her and you're afraid of rejection, but I'm here to tell you to go for it. You'll feel much better having asked, and you never know what your answer will be until you do. :)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: Not sure what to do

It's been a few days and only been around her once. I'm just hesitant because a couple of years ago something similar happened (not with anyone I worked with). Got to know a girl fairly well and felt she was into me. She had a recent BF, but was not happy with him. She flat out told me, so I told her if she wanted to I'd like to take her out. She kind of freaked out, wouldn't even give me a yes or no answer. From then on it was really awkward around her, we never talked a whole lot afterwards. She did end up leaving her boyfriend and started dating a new guy soon. I don't want that to happen with this current woman. It's not quite the same situation, I'm definitely a lot more comfortable talking with her. Since my last post, she seemed happy to see me again when I talked to her for a little bit. One question she asked seemed kind of odd to me, if I wanted to ever go to dayshift? I don't but most our coworkers do, she said she didn't either. I'm probably reading too much into it, but it seemed odd at the time. How's the best way to go about it without it ending up like the other girl?

Re: Not sure what to do

I think gaining a perspective on dating will help. For instance, understanding that dating is a numbers game, is important. You're going to get a certain number of rejections in life, but you're also going to get a certain number of connections, and if you don't get up to bat, you'll never get a shot at either. You have to be able to face rejection and know it's not that big a deal. It means that someone you were interested in, or someone you like, isn't a match. It may be because she's taken, or she's not into you, or she's getting over a break up -- or any number of things. And guess what? This goes the other way, too. Women who will want to date you, may not win your affection. This is just life, and I would hate to see you miss out because you're more focused on fear than you are on winning. :)

I can't promise you that she'll like you or she'll want to date you, but I can promise you that if you don't ask her out, you won't have a shot at a date. From what you've written, she really seems interested, and I think you should ask her out and embrace life -- with it's ups and downs, wins and losses. Besides, women like confidence, and if they find you confident, they'll find you attractive. And.... this is a date. It's not cancer. It's not world war or world peace. So step back and see the big picture, loosen up a little so you're not putting so much pressure on yourself to win or lose, and give it a shot! Talk to her, and flirt. Tell her she's looks great and that you really like the way she does X, Y or Z. When you get a positive reaction, ask her if she'd like to have coffee or go to the movies over the weekend. :D
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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