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My older boyfriend broke up with me the same week I started a new job.

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
29

What are the ages of the other people involved:
41

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
7 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
He has an 8 year old daughter that he has full time.

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

My boyfriend and I were together for seven months before he broke up with me out of the blue. He would ask me every weekend if I was going to stick around for a while and that he wanted to keep me. A month before he broke up with me he told me that he "needed to be more grateful to have a good woman like me." I was applying for a new job and he supported me, but seemed concerned that I was going to meet someone else. I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere, and he mentioned meeting my family (I had already met his). My first week on the job he barely texted me and then said this relationship was "too much of the same" and he was losing interest. He officially broke up with me a week later. He said that his life is easier without someone in it and he thinks he's supposed to be alone. A month later I sent him a letter telling him that I loved him (it was not only the first time I said it to him; it was the first time I said it to anyone) and he replied that he was sorry my feelings were stronger than his. It’s been two months since he ended it and I haven't heard from him since. I love his daughter like she's my own, so losing him is bad enough, but losing both of them has been unbearable. If my feelings were so much stronger than his, why bring me around his daughter for seven months? Why constantly ask if I was going anywhere if he was the one who was going to leave? I've tried moving on but I still think about them all the time and I feel in my gut like he's the one. I've done everything I can for the relationship but I just can't move on.

Re: My older boyfriend broke up with me the same week I started a new job.

#2
I'm sorry you're so hurt. Break ups are hard, and it sounds like you were a lot more into him than he was into you, so it makes a lot of sense that you're still in pain, two months after the break up. :( I don't know how long he was divorced before the two of you started dating, but it sounds like he liked you, but that he might not have been ready for a serious relationship. I know you said that he broke up with you out of the blue, but these things are rarely out of the blue -- you just didn't see the clues along the way. You were looking at the positives. For instance, he introduced you to his parents and his daughter, and those are usually good signs of a forward moving relationship -- but there were some yellow and red flags along the way. For instance, something about your new independence and your job that didn't work for him. Maybe he was insecure about your flourishing in a new job, and rather than support you in your career, he said he was bored, and then eventually packed up his toys and left. This isn't what you should want in a relationship. You need a partner who's happy for your successes and encourages you -- as you do them. ;) Earlier on, when he said he should be more grateful for you -- he was sending you a hint that he wasn't. That's a big problem. Mutual respect is crucial to relationship success, and when the love ebbs and flows naturally, respect and character are what keeps you both in the game. He didn't feel that respect. So, while you were getting mixed signals, I think you were hanging onto the good ones and trying to overlook the bad ones. You loved him, and you wanted the best for the two of you, but this just wasn't a good match. I get that you miss his daughter, and she probably misses you, too, but you're eventually going to see that you need someone who wants to be there for you and with whom you have compatible life goals. This guy had a lot of assets -- but he wasn't your best match. That person is still out there. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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