I was with my x girlfriend for a year before she broke up with me a month ago. I still love her and would like to reconcile but she says she is not ready. Although she says this she is always calling, texting and sending me pictures.
She says she would like to be friends with benefits and asked could i wait on her. I responded yes only if we could be exclusive during the wait. I suggested that we let each other know if we started dating or having sex with other people during that time. She said she didnt think informing each other of that info would be a good idea because that would be the same as being in a relationship. That caused serious red flags for me. She claims we are soul mates and to still be in love with me. Im confused. I dont want to be used as a filler until she meets someone new and leaves me holding the bag. She just sent me a text today saying a true love story never ends. We have plans to spend the weekend in D.C for the 4th of July. Obviously we are going to have a good time including sex which she has already mentioned with excitement. I feel like she is playing games and and i am starting to resent her for that. Although most men would look at this as the perfect situation i don't. I can have sex with anybody but rarely does someone come along that i really care for and love. How long should i wait for her? Should i just cut her off all together and move forward? I feel like a yo yo at this point. Any advice would be much appreciated. I dont want to waste time with her when i could be out finding other potential partners
I think that your instincts are right -- you should cut it off completely, unless or until she is really for a commitment. Otherwise, she's going to be using you until someone better comes along, simply so she doesn't have to be alone or be without sex. Lots of people have ex sex because it's familiar, safe, and convenient. But that creates a relationship and since she's not giving you the commitment you want, I don't think it's a good idea for you. It's going to be painful to break up again -- because it really is a second type of break up -- but sometimes that's what it takes to really move on. So either don't go to your Washington DC weekend -- or do go as the last blast before the break up -- and then move on. If she tries to contact you, explain that you're not interested in an interim situation. You want all or nothing and you're not willing to do anything in between any more.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.