Premium RUSH! Response One RUSH! Response - one time fee. When you need the answer to your question FAST!
Premium PRIVATE Forum When privacy matters. Now you can ask April your question, and get her response, in complete privacy. Your question will never be displayed publicly. Only April will read it, and only April will answer it.
Go to premium plans page
Confidentiality is protected, however your post and account cannot be edited or deleted once it has gone live on the forum. No exceptions.

Partner contacted his ex...

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
27

What are the ages of the other people involved:
28

What is your relationship status:
In Committed Relationship

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
In Committed Relationship

How long have the two of you been together:
3 years

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
Australia

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

My bf & I have been together for 3 yrs.We have lived together for over a year now.. He has only had one other girlfriend & they broke up in 2013.She left him while he was away at work & refused to speak to him for 3 years.Last year in Aug, she sent him a txt apologising for leaving him all those years ago, explained her side, asked to catch up & said that her new relationship had just failed & now she knew how it felt to be left alone.His reply was very blunt. He thanked her for apologising & ignored her request to meet up.She kept txting & he asked her to stop txting & blocked her number. In Oct (2 months after the original message), he called her while very drunk at a bucks party & I found out the next morning & of course got very upset. He said it was because he had questions to ask her. I was extremely upset at him calling her but let it go as he insisted he didn't have any feelings for her & that he loved me. He called her again while drunk in April (3 mnths ago now). It was the night before I was flying to a new city to move with him for his new job. Other than these 2 phone calls, he doesn’t speak to her & there is nothing that makes me question his feelings for me. He has had her blocked on Fbook since they broke up in 2013 & blocked her number on his iphone when she was txting him in Aug (you can still call out to blocked numbers though so that's how he was able to drunk call her!). He hasn't disagreed or argued when I've expressed my feelings about them communicating.

Re: Partner contacted his ex...

#2
What you have to remember is that your boyfriend didn't get satisfactory closure from his last breakup, and because it was his first girlfriend, it was a big deal. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you -- it just means that there is unfinished business and until he takes care of that, it's always going to be "out there" like an elephant in the room, with you dreading his feelings for her. Sometimes, you have to face your fears to get past them. Instead of suggesting that he not see her and block her, why not do the opposite. Encourage him to sit down with her over coffee in the daytime, and to have a pow wow about what happened, and where they both are now. It's a very mature step that requires a lot of generosity on your part, but I think it's the best way to deal with this situation. You're obviously upset and concerned, and he's drunk dialing her because connecting with her is in his subconscious and he doesn't feel right doing it when he's not drunk. Give him permission. If, after three years of dating you, he feels that he wants to be with her -- better to know that now. And if after three years, he meets with her and gets out what he needed to say, and comes back to you, with a deeper intimacy and respect for you, then the two of you will have tackled this obstacle together. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests

cron