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Should I be OK w/ my girlfriend to going out with other guys?

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:01 pm
by RobertNYC
She said it's not dating, just hanging out with a new friends found on couchsurfing and other online sites.
She told me these guys wanting more than friends & some wants to have relationship or offer to marry her. I told her she should stop seeing these men if they ask more than friends or at least tell them that she has a bf.

She is here in the US traveling on a tourist visa. We lived together for more than a month at my place in NYC. I provide everything, dinning, night outs and recently took her to Fort Lauderdale and Bahamas cruise for a week. Our intimacy is very active. We make love 2-3 times a day and sometimes more.

She found out that I'd been sneaking in her phone reading messages from the guys. She was very mad for what I did. She use my phone to take pictures and I am totally open to check my phone. I saw 1 photo of my gf and a guy in his bed. My gf took a selfie with him. She told me they never had sex & I said I believe in her and trust her.

I am confused and felt like being punked. What should I do? Please help!

Thank you very much.

Re: Should I be OK w/ my girlfriend to going out with other guys?

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:32 pm
by April Masini
Dating is that it's a process that lets you learn about yourself and the other person, and then to use what you learn to make decisions. You're 48 and you've been dating your 29 year old girlfriend for three months. You felt uncertain about her commitment to you, so you snuck into her phone, and learned that she meets up with guys from online websites and apps. Now that you have that information, you have choices. ;) You can choose to play the field, or break up because you want someone who is willing to commit more fully at the three month mark, or continue seeing her knowing that she's looking around at other options.

I always suggest using this dating model: Use the first 3 months to decide if you want to continue dating someone -- that's where you are now. If you chose to do so, then use the next three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. I know this feels like a very slow time table, but it will help you avoid making commitments to someone you don't know that well, too soon. Your situation is exactly why this timetable is a good idea. ;) It forces you not to jump into things prematurely. You can't tell her not to date other men after only three months, but you can learn that someone you want a commitment to, and with whom you've been very generous with your heart, your time, and your money -- doesn't feel the same way you do right now. You get to make choices using that information. I hope that helps.

Re: Should I be OK w/ my girlfriend to going out with other guys?

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 4:13 pm
by RicThompson
You will only continue to hurt yourself if you keep worrying about it. Its obvious you take the rship more serious than she does. That said, its only being a few months. Maybe you are asking for too much too soon? I dont think you should stop seeing her but learn to limit your expectations of her. She seems to still be in the fun stage. So be mindful of that aspect.

Re: Should I be OK w/ my girlfriend to going out with other guys?

Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 3:23 pm
by April Masini
Agreed -- you're taking the relationship more seriously than she is. Her behavior is a big clue to that extent. Take the hint and decide if you want to stay or go. ;)