Friends with J 5 yrs. His oldest & my oldest r bffs. We live 2 doors away. We've always been flirtatious.
He has 2 older kids from previous gf (mom not in picture). Im very close to these 2. His current gf is mean to them & makes sure they know they aren't hers. The kids have key to my house & know they're welcome always. I care for them as if they were my own.
J has 2 girls with current live-in gf. They are 7 & 2 & another on way.
I'm separated after 17 yr marriage.
Our oldest play ball together. Last week was tournament. I drove boys up night b4 & got room for 3 of us. Boys got beds & I slept on cot. J came up next morning & got own room.
At night said to send his son to his room & no need for me to sleep on cot. I joked that I could come sleep in his room. He said sure. I had to clarify he wasnt joking. Said he was serious but "price" was a massage.
I gave him massage, turned into more. Him receiving oral. He caressed me while receiving & paid oral attention to my breasts. Can a man who has zero emotional attachment caress a woman in such a tender way?
After he finished he said I should go back to my room so kids don't suspect anything. He didn't want his gf to find out.
We usually talk daily. This was Saturday. Todays Tuesday. Hes very quiet. Very few messages. The ones he sends are in direct answer to questions I ask.
Now Im worried Ive screwed up our friendship.
I've always thought it would be amazing if he & his 2 older kids would move in with me & my 2 (his younger ones he would only have partial custody & Im fine with that too). I know this is probably a pipe dream...yet I am still holding onto it.
Weve not talked about what happened. I'm afraid to ask in case he wants to just forget. Me? I want it again. And yes, I know I'm the "other woman" people hate. But I think I've loved J for a long time & I can't walk away.
I'm fine with whatever he's willing to give. Friendship is most important, but I'd be ok with FWB & of course, my dream of a relationship.
Am I totally out of luck with this relationship?
You had a fling with your neighborhood-crush, and that changed your relationship. Now, you're not just flirty neighbors -- you had sex and that's a game changer. He's steering clear of you for now because he feels conflicted. He's probably attracted to you and feels guilty at the same time. He may be worried that his girlfriend will find out and that will create problems for him and his family, and that's another reason he's gone pretty quiet on you. If you want more, lay low and wait for his cue. Eventually you'll run into each other and he's going to want see what your reaction is. If you flirt with him, he'll get the clue that you want more. And, chances are, that if you're game, he will be too. As for the texting, it doesn't seem like that's a comfortable space for him to connect with you since the night of the fling, so try and avoid texting. What you want is a face to face so you can read his expressions and body language -- and he can read yours. Texting lacks nuances and it's really a source for miscommunication when you're looking for layers beyond the words. Your next move will come when you see each other, and you'll get a pretty good idea of what he wants when you see him.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.