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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

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April
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[Standard] Mixed Signals

#1
Is he interested in a relationship?

We talk (text) everyday, usually starting with him saying good morning. He seems genuinely interested in how my day is going and always responds promptly. He has said more than once that he isn’t talking to or sleeping with anyone else and doesn’t want to and doesn’t want me to. We always have fun when we spend time together BUT it’s always at his place. He never takes me out/on dates. If he’s only interested in the physical aspect then why put in so much effort?

Re: [Standard] Mixed Signals

#2
He's definitely interested in you and your company, but he's a lazy dater. The good and bad news is that the ball is really in your court. You have to change your behavior in order to get him to change his. Here are a few ways you can do that.

Give him something to chase. If you're there and responsive every time he texts then you're complicit in this lazy dating. So, don't go along with it. Stretch out your response texting times --- and tell him that you're sorry you missed him, but you were at this great farmer's market in the morning, or you went for a beautiful run along a lake or there was a great party you went to the night before and you slept in. If he remarks that that sounds nice, tell him that you'd love for him to invite you do something like -- be it the party, the farmer's market or the exercise date. The idea is to be just as happy to hear from him as always, but to make him want you by not being available on demand.

Next, instead of complying with his invitations to meet at his home, since you've been together for a few months now, suggest that he take you out on a date. You can do it in a way that's flirty and not demanding or critical by letting him know how much you'd love it if he'd ask you. At the same time, don't be available for these home hang out dates. You can mention that you would love to be with him, but there's a movie you were aching to see or a restaurant you really want to try, or that you really feel like a romantic night out.... and leave that hanging. That's how you put the ball in his court.

If you do these things, and he doesn't change his behavior, then he's not interested in more than there is right now. And if that's the case, better for you to learn that now and move on to someone who wants more for you and is more compatible with the relationship you see yourself in. But he may need this nudge on your part to get him out of his rut. ;) I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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