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[Standard] Mixed Signals

Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:54 am
by BeccaLynn
Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:

What is your relationship status:

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:

How long have the two of you been together:
2+ months

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
3 years

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
2 kids 7 & 13

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

Is he interested in a relationship?

We talk (text) everyday, usually starting with him saying good morning. He seems genuinely interested in how my day is going and always responds promptly. He has said more than once that he isn’t talking to or sleeping with anyone else and doesn’t want to and doesn’t want me to. We always have fun when we spend time together BUT it’s always at his place. He never takes me out/on dates. If he’s only interested in the physical aspect then why put in so much effort?

Re: [Standard] Mixed Signals

Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 12:18 pm
by April Masini
He's definitely interested in you and your company, but he's a lazy dater. The good and bad news is that the ball is really in your court. You have to change your behavior in order to get him to change his. Here are a few ways you can do that.

Give him something to chase. If you're there and responsive every time he texts then you're complicit in this lazy dating. So, don't go along with it. Stretch out your response texting times --- and tell him that you're sorry you missed him, but you were at this great farmer's market in the morning, or you went for a beautiful run along a lake or there was a great party you went to the night before and you slept in. If he remarks that that sounds nice, tell him that you'd love for him to invite you do something like -- be it the party, the farmer's market or the exercise date. The idea is to be just as happy to hear from him as always, but to make him want you by not being available on demand.

Next, instead of complying with his invitations to meet at his home, since you've been together for a few months now, suggest that he take you out on a date. You can do it in a way that's flirty and not demanding or critical by letting him know how much you'd love it if he'd ask you. At the same time, don't be available for these home hang out dates. You can mention that you would love to be with him, but there's a movie you were aching to see or a restaurant you really want to try, or that you really feel like a romantic night out.... and leave that hanging. That's how you put the ball in his court.

If you do these things, and he doesn't change his behavior, then he's not interested in more than there is right now. And if that's the case, better for you to learn that now and move on to someone who wants more for you and is more compatible with the relationship you see yourself in. But he may need this nudge on your part to get him out of his rut. ;) I hope that helps.