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[RUSH!] Do I worry too much or am I just jealous ?

#1
We have lived together for one and a half years now I work in a remote location 2000 miles south of our home. When I am home things are great. The issue is while I am working. She has a tenancy of going out to the bars six nights a week. At first it was to go visit the afternoon crowd you know the people that just got off work. No she is going out later and later with a more shady crowd that frequents the bars that late at night. I have asked her to slow down and I have been questioning her motivation in this change. I reached out to her later at night because once again I am in a isolated situation at camp and would like to have some kind of contact with the outside world ,her being that contact. Now I am getting, you’re jealous you don’t trust me you are being controlling I will not change my life because you feel threatened. Hell now she sends me articles on unhealthy jealousy. Now I am sitting here questioning am I afraid something bad is going to happen to her or am I just being that freak and trying to control her now I don’t even know. So if I am just being jealous of her late night bar activities and it’s none of my business what can I do? Should I just ignore the fact that she blows me off to go be social at his clubs every night or is it fair to expect my fiancé to be there for me to help me not worry so much while I am at work trying to provide for our family. Please help me !!

Re: [RUSH!] Do I worry too much or am I just jealous ?

#2
It sounds like you're both unhappy with the structure of the relationship. You don't like the fact that she's out at bars, possibly flirting and maybe even hooking up, dating or meeting someone new. You also don't like the fact that you can't protect her if something untoward happens to her, because you're 2000 miles away. That all makes sense and I completely understand where you're coming from. As for her, it sounds like she doesn't like this long distance part of the relationship and either she's acting out or she's trying to make a new life for herself since you're so far away. Would it be great if she focused on work, her friends and family rather than bars and parties? Yes. But, I'm not going to judge either one of you. Let's just solve this.

Long distance is very difficult in relationships. To make it work, you have to let a lot go. You can't expect the same behaviors that you would if you were in the same town. I know this is hard, but it's what people who make long distance relationships work, do when they're not on the same page about the distance. You also have to practice a little "don't ask, don't tell," because of the distance over the long term.

If that doesn't resonate for you... and you really think that she's behaving badly because she's unhappy that you're away, consider the long distance part of the relationship. Do you have an end date for the long distance part? If not, make one! You mentioned she's your fiancee -- is there a wedding date? If not, get one! Maybe you can move these dates up to make the relationship feel more of a priority to her. In addition, try to make sure you can see each other regularly for weekends or longer. Every two weeks would be ideal, and not just to practice romance and show your passion -- but to show your commitment to the relationship.

Hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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