Relationship Advice Forum

Hello,
I started dating a woman I have been knowing for several months. We used to talk every and now and then but never crossed the line since she had a boyfriend. One day we exchanged numbers. Anyway, one day she texted me out of nowhere to talk. We ended up meeting one day to talk. That is when she told me that her and her bf had split and she was feeling down. So I was there to cheer her up. Couple of weeks went by and she wanted me to come by her place to help her out with something. Then a week later we ended up having some great sex multiple times. She told me that she was in to me. Then all of sudden I was told by my job that I had to go overseas at the end October. So the first week we were communicating via FB video or texting via FB constantly. Then as time went by we were barely communicating. Then it was no response back from her at all. This kept on recurring. When I did get in contact with her she said she has been busy between work and her organization. I'm working everyday for 12 hrs and sometimes more than that. Then all sudden she starts texting constantly again and answers her video calls and we talk for a long time. Then once again barely no response and then radio silence. This past Friday we ended up video calling and we had a great convo. We were laughing and we talked about her Christmas gifts she received from me. No problems everything was fine. We then talked this past Sunday but briefly since she was working. Today I called her just to see how she was doing. I did text her and I asked her why she is not answering. She responds that she's been working 10 hours since Sunday. Then she ends up telling me that she doesn’t think it would work out between us. She said I can ship the gifts back. I ask her where did that come from? I ask her to explain why she is acting this way. What should I do in this situation? How can I get a positive response from her? Thank you

Anytime you're in a new relationship, there's a chance that things won't work out -- and since you've only been dating for a few months, it could be that she just doesn't feel that you're someone she wants to continue dating. You may not be doing anything wrong -- it's just not a match. Possibly. The other possibility is that when you started dating, this wasn't long distance, but because it became long distance, she may not see a future for the two of you with this kind of this distance between you. It sounds like you both work long hours and have full lives and she may want someone who's around to be with after those long days -- rather than talking on the phone or video chatting. Long distance is tough and it's not for everyone. If she's feeling lonely and really wants a boyfriend to be with her -- not just be there across the distance -- the LDR you've got isn't going to work for her. In that case, it's not you -- it's the distance. The last possibility is that since you were possibly a rebound relationship, she may have gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend while you've been out of town. Those are the three possibilities.

If you want to try and get her back, see if you can see her in person -- either in town where she's living, or fly her out to see you for a romantic long weekend. You may be able to rekindle the romance that way. Trying to do so over the phone or video chat is just going to reinforce the problem. You can also try to invite her to do something exciting or fabulous for New Year's Eve -- which is a great opportunity to try and make a grand gesture that might lure her back. Invite her to do something really special and see if that works. And if she accepts one of those invitations, talk to her about the long distance because if that's what the problem is, at least you can know it and decide if you want to change your work situation in order to prioritize and pursue the relationship.

Hope that helps!