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[RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers

1. he is a VERY good friend to me
2. we told each other we had feelings for each other just last month.
3. we went on many dates, and things got steamy. We have not had sex yet, but very close.
4. He has been trying to tell me he likes me for a whole year, but I was always canceling plans and not responding to messages promptly.

Things got very steamy last Sunday, and he was fine the day after but I noticed he was different on Tuesday. I did the awful thing of accusing him of ignoring me, and I have been picking this kind of fight with him often. We had fought many times before this. HE did not text back until Friday and asked to meet me in person. When we met, he said that he rather remain friends because being more than friends is exhausting and that he does not want to hurt me. We sat in his car, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. HE wouldn't stop kissing me hands and telling me, "I need time. Give me time to heal. I care about you so much but I don't like how much we fight so early on." This morning he asked me to see a movie with him and we cuddled the entire time, and he kept playing with my hair and kissing my hands. However, he accidentally touched my breast and he said "oh oops I am sorry." That made me feel bad because I felt like he was friend-zoning me. I am so confused right now because I don't want him to ever regret wanting more than a friendship with me. He said that he has liked me for so long but I have hurt him so much. How do I overcome this? I truly care for this man, and I don't want him to think that I only like to fight. Do you think he is still interested?

Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers

All you have to do is stop fighting! I know that sounds simple -- and in reality is a lot harder to do. But, instead of finding fault, find ways to compliment him. Stop yourself from fighting, and to do so....Understand that this has a lot to do with you recognizing the signs of a fight coming on, and using self discipline to avert the fight. In addition, use really good manners -- like being timely when you respond to messages, or if you cancel a get together, don't do it at the last minute, leaving him hanging. If you keep your side of the street clean, those fights and that bickering will fade away.

The other thing to avoid is drama. Don't make a big deal out of things -- for instance, if he apologizes for touching your breast, let it be. Don't make a big deal out of it. This is a new relationship as far as romance goes, and you have to allow for these faux pas' and bumps in the road. Find your sense of humor, rather than your quick to blame trigger.

To try and save things, since it's Christmas and you have New Year's Eve coming up -- slather on the sweet behavior. Invite him for dinner and cook. Or bring him little presents and plan a New Year's date that is generous and romantic. Flirt and compliment him and make him feel good about being with you -- not concerned with bickering and drama. In other words, show gratitude for the romance, and show your best romantic feelings. Don't slide back into the friend zone... but at the same time, become the girlfriend he wants in the relationship you both want. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers

Okay so we watched a movie last Wednesday, and I noticed that he could not keep his hands off of me. It was insane, but once he began touching a lot, he said , "oh I have to stop myself. " That kind of upset me so we sat in my car, and I said, "I feel like you're trying to resist to me and It's make things awkward and weird." He said things like its hard for him to resist but he's trying so hard but he got red flags, and doesn't want to get hurt. He also couldn't stop kissing my hands and trying to touch my face and kiss my forehead. I began crying uncontrollably, and he grabbed my face and kissed me for literally half an hour, and said, " I want to give this another shot. Let's start fresh, and lets see what this new year has in store." That made me so happy, but I said " no don't say that because you feel bad for me." He responded with, " I don't feel bad, I want this." I went home, and we exchanged good night messages. I am writing this message because I am so concerned as his messages are so short, boring, and not-flirty at all. I've been very sick and he's been checking up and today he said he wishes he can kiss me at midnight and all that jazz. He ended up going to bed earlier then midnight but wished me a happy new year. Should I be concerned with the short messages? Do you think that he is talking to me out of pity?

Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers

I think he really likes you, and those short messages had everything to do with the fact that he's sick and not feeling well. It's hard to be flirty when you're run down and feeling punk. I don't think his responses have to do with anything else. As for what happened -- he's definitely attracted to you, and when he stopped himself from going forward when the two of you were making out, by saying, "Oh, I have to stop myself,", he was looking for a clue from you as to what YOU wanted him to do. Guys aren't always as confident as they might seem to be, and I think he was looking for confirmation from you that it was okay to continue, or that you liked what was going on... so when you're in that position next time, give him some input when he says, 'Oh, I have to stop myself," because he really wants your feedback and didn't know how to ask for it.

When you started crying he may have gotten the idea that you weren't into him or that you were conflicted, when really, he would have loved to have heard you tell him that you enjoyed what was happening and that you wanted to continue or you wanted him to continue, or not -- but he probably didn't expect your weeping. And that might have thrown him for a loop.

For now, lighten up and try to have fun with him! Flirt, compliment him and let him know how you feel. He needs your reassurance that he's going in the right direction and doing the right things, as you both try to take this relationship out of the friend zone.

I hope that helps!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.