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Dear readers and forum members:

Thank you so much for the Ask April Relationship Advice Forum. What a warm and welcoming community!

Due to the demands of launching my new company, AIFI (American Initiative for Film Industry Research Institute & Development Council), I'm so sorry to say that I must suspend forum activity.

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April
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[Standard] Girl Wants to Take it Slow

#1
Hi, I am in an unfamiliar position within a relationship. I really like and respect this girl, and we ARE communicating well , but something in my gut just feels off. The energy between us is good , we hit it off from the minute we met and it escalated quickly. In our first month she made herself available and was eager to hang out and talk. Within 3 weeks of meeting we had an intensely passionate evening - she even initiated. But then a few days later we went out on another date and when I got affectionate toward her she gave me the "I really like you but I want to take it slow" speech.

So that was 3 weeks ago and we've only seen each other twice in group settings and we talked on the phone a couple times. I feel like she is purposely limiting her time for me. When I asked if she wanted to plan something she said she does not want to feel pressured or obligated to do things with me every weekend - that was a complete flip from the previous weekends where she said she could not wait to see me. I have NEVER experienced this in any kind of relationship. The crazy thing is when we are together its amazing and she is very affectionate and we have a great time - I am not kidding !

Am I overthinking everything and need to chill , or is this a genuine red flag ? Are these healthy boundaries she is putting up and over time will she lower them and spend more time with me ? In that case, I just need to be more patient and empathetic to her situation ? Or am I lining myself up for a major heartbreak by investing my heart and time in a woman who simply prefers to spend the majority of her time alone doing her own things without a companion ? In a way , I feel she led me on and got my heart stings involved and got me interested in her , then pulled the rug out from underneath me. As an Alpha guy , that is about as confusing as it gets.

Brutally honest advice is welcome !

Re: [Standard] Girl Wants to Take it Slow

#2
Always trust your gut. So many of us overthink things and talk ourselves out of what we already know because we're insecure or because we don't want things to end, or because we want them to go in a different direction. ;) It sounds like the relationship started out really well -- and went fast and smoothly. But, when you had what sounds like your first passionate night, she may have freaked out for some reason that has nothing to do with you. You don't really know her that well. It's only been six weeks dating, and the second half of that time has been chillier than the first half. So, this last three weeks is really part of the dating process that you use to decide if you want to continue seeing her. Sounds like you invested a chunk of your heart in this relationship -- maybe a little early.... and now you're getting to know this side of her and you're not sure what's going on. My advice is to let it play out until either she warms up a little more, or until you feel that what you're learning and what you're getting back isn't worth your time and energy. One or the other. Being confused is okay -- that's what happens a lot in new relationships where you don't really know someone that well, in spite of a whirlwind romance. But when you get to know her.... and want to stay with it -- or don't... that's when you're dating smart because you're paying attention and your'e figuring out what you need, what she's offering and whether the two of you are compatible. Time is your friend -- and so is your intuition!I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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