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[RUSH!] Ghoster

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
29

What are the ages of the other people involved:
35

What is your relationship status:
Separated

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Divorced

How long have the two of you been together:
Few weeks

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Seperated

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
7 months

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
He has 1

What country do you live in:
US

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I met a guy and his family at a bar a couple weeks ago& we hit it off. I added him on Facebook & message him shortly after. We slowly began talking more &more. His ex-wife divorced him 7 months ago & that was the 1st time he had been out in months. Our conversations began to evolve into more serious discussions about our lives & eventually, texting led to sexting. Neither one of us were/are looking for anything serious so I didn’t think that it was much of a problem. He had ask me to come over but I didn’t, I am also currently going through a divorce. We set a day to meet but his son was leaving for vacation so he ended up canceling. We met later during the week, I drove to his house, He was super nervous & so was I. Eventually we had sex that night, I didn’t stay, And After sex he was making comments about things we would do later on down the road (not all sexual, some about being together). The sex wasn’t great, we were both so nervous and a little tipsy that it just kind of weirdly ended. We texted throughout the night & he texted me the next morning saying he was sick. I had a wedding to go to but my friends & I were supposed to meet back up w him & his family that night and go out. My ex-husband was at the wedding & I drank more than I probably should have. I called him (the day before he called & we talked for almost 2 hours) & he didn’t answer but texted me right away so I called again & he sent me to voicemail. I thought he was just hanging out at home bc he was sick. I proceeded to tell him I was drunk & that I called him to say hey & that I felt dumb. He never responded. Later that night I texted him apologizing for calling him while he was sick & tried to explain the situation at the wedding, still no response. I waited 2 days & texted him & said I was thinking abt him & I hoped he was having a great day. I still haven’t heard anything. What did I do wrong? Did I scare him off? I thought we were doing great & then I called him that one time & now he’s completely disappeared. I really liked him.

Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster

#2
I think it was a combination of things that happened. 1) He is newly divorced and hasn't really started dating yet, so he's rusty and apprehensive. Getting back out there after a divorce is tougher for some people than others, and because he's newly divorced, and it hasn't even been a year since the divorce for him, he may have not been ready to do more than he did. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back when you're getting back to dating. 2) In addition, it's only been a few weeks since you've known each other, so let the timeline play out. I know it's hard to slow down when you like someone and you've slept with him. But give this a few months before throwing in the towel. He's got to sort through some conflicting information -- like his telling you he wasn't looking for anything serious, and you telling him the same... but then having sex together on the first date -- because sex always changes things, and it made you feel more connected to him. Give him a little time to miss you and to process his feelings. 3) Also, since you're going through a divorce now, he may have realized you're still married, and that may have been an obstacle for him. I know you feel divorced, but he may have talked to a friend or his family and they may have told him that since you're still married, not to get involved or to get serious. They may be protecting him -- whether or not he needs protection. 4) And lastly, sometimes people just don't click. And that's nobody's fault! You basically had one first date which was sex at his house -- and whether a first date is a boozy hook up or dinner and a movie, lots of relationships don't get past the first date because it's just not a match no matter how great things may have appeared to have gone. Consider these four reasons for his behavior, and let me know if you have any more questions!
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster

#3
Is there any way I can tell which one it is? I’ve tried to text him, just once since the wedding incident and I haven’t heard anything. Should I just wait around? I’m trykng to give him lots of space. I don’t want to let this cloud my judgement and being newly divorced, I want to focus on myself but I miss talking to him. He kinda had the whole package. Just kinda feeling like I got gut punched.

Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster

#4
Definitely give him space. That's a good instinct on your part. Let him have the chance to miss you (as much as you miss him). If he does, he'll contact you. If a few weeks go by and you don't hear from him, you can assume that for whatever reason, he's not interested in more right now. If you want to give it one last try, wait a few weeks, and then shoot him a funny photo of you at the place where the two of you met with a message that is catchy and non-committal -- for instance, you found yourself back at the ranch, and wondered how he's been doing. Don't ask him a question -- just make a statement like that so he can choose to reach out or not.

Whether he's gone quiet on you because of reasons 1, 2, 3 or 4 -- the reasons don't matter as much as the fact that he's not ready right now. To keep yourself from pining, get out there and keep going. Play the field. Date. Have fun and meaning in your life, and try not to obsess on what he's thinking. Instead, be your best self, and let him have the opportunity and space to decide if he wants to connect again. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need more.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.