I didn't see the character max until after i spent two hours writing my question which is about 7x greater than the max. There is no way I can describe what happened with the relevant background in 2200 characters. Could I email it to you? i understand if this requires an additional cost.

in short, I have been in a 3 year affair with tons of ups and downs as one would expect. We both decided to leave our marriages so we could be together. She essentially is going to throw it all away because I responded to a girl who works for me on New Year's Eve at 1:23 AM. I have no feelings for this girl, never have, and didn't even think about it when i replied. It was no different to me than replying to "one of the guys". She said this was an inexcusable betrayal and wants to throw it all away over this. She has turned it into about 100 other things that never happened since she now looks at everything without trusting me. i am at such a loss and she won't even hear me out. She says it is just more lies and deceit.

There is a ton more context in the original, but this is it in a nutshell. I don't want to lose her. She said she will never be able to trust or love me again. And even though she said so many vile things about me that aren't true, I don't love her any less. I could forgive it all in a second, I don't understand how she can't forgive this errant text response (I said 7 words)?

Getting hopeless.

Hi there: I just responded to your simultaneous post and this is what I wrote: It sounds like she was looking for a commitment from you, and she didn't get it. So, now she's trying to move on. You have to understand that she is a 36 year-old single parent with three kids and she is probably looking for a commitment. Since the two of you have been dating on and off for about four years now, it would seem that you would know if you want to commit to her or not. I'm very sure that's what she is thinking. It sounds like she reluctantly went along with your request to date on the down low for three months and then reevaluate in a talk about the relationship. She was hoping that that would give you the time you needed to decide about a commitment. But when she didn't hear what she wanted, she got upset and that's what you're feeling and seeing. She's not getting what she wants from the relationship. I know you don't want to lose her, but it also seems you're not ready or willing to give her the commitment to keep her. Four years of dating off and on is a reasonable amount of time for you to know. And I think you're just not ready. And she knows that. She's not responding to your texts about dinner because she's not interested in dinner. She wants a proposal or some sort of commitment that the relationship is moving forward. You're at a crossroads in the relationship. Either you propose or you move on. There is a chance that with time, she'll come back to you because she misses you, but right now, she's going to try and find someone who wants a commitment with her. If you're that guy, this is your moment to step it up. But be honest with yourself. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

If you want to ask me some more questions -- which it sounds like you do -- it's probably best to respond to what I wrote with your questions. I'll respond in kind.