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[RUSH!] The girl I love thinks I betrayed her because I responded to a text from a girl that I don't have any feelings f

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Female

What is your age:
34

What are the ages of the other people involved:
33

What is your relationship status:
Separated

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Married

How long have the two of you been together:
3 years

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Separated but filing

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Me 2: 4 & 7, Her 2: 5 & 8

What country do you live in:
USA

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I didn't see the character max until after i spent two hours writing my question which is about 7x greater than the max. There is no way I can describe what happened with the relevant background in 2200 characters. Could I email it to you? i understand if this requires an additional cost.

in short, I have been in a 3 year affair with tons of ups and downs as one would expect. We both decided to leave our marriages so we could be together. She essentially is going to throw it all away because I responded to a girl who works for me on New Year's Eve at 1:23 AM. I have no feelings for this girl, never have, and didn't even think about it when i replied. It was no different to me than replying to "one of the guys". She said this was an inexcusable betrayal and wants to throw it all away over this. She has turned it into about 100 other things that never happened since she now looks at everything without trusting me. i am at such a loss and she won't even hear me out. She says it is just more lies and deceit.

There is a ton more context in the original, but this is it in a nutshell. I don't want to lose her. She said she will never be able to trust or love me again. And even though she said so many vile things about me that aren't true, I don't love her any less. I could forgive it all in a second, I don't understand how she can't forgive this errant text response (I said 7 words)?

Getting hopeless.

Re: [RUSH!] The girl I love thinks I betrayed her because I responded to a text from a girl that I don't have any feelin

#2
Hi there: I just responded to your simultaneous post and this is what I wrote: It sounds like she was looking for a commitment from you, and she didn't get it. So, now she's trying to move on. You have to understand that she is a 36 year-old single parent with three kids and she is probably looking for a commitment. Since the two of you have been dating on and off for about four years now, it would seem that you would know if you want to commit to her or not. I'm very sure that's what she is thinking. It sounds like she reluctantly went along with your request to date on the down low for three months and then reevaluate in a talk about the relationship. She was hoping that that would give you the time you needed to decide about a commitment. But when she didn't hear what she wanted, she got upset and that's what you're feeling and seeing. She's not getting what she wants from the relationship. I know you don't want to lose her, but it also seems you're not ready or willing to give her the commitment to keep her. Four years of dating off and on is a reasonable amount of time for you to know. And I think you're just not ready. And she knows that. She's not responding to your texts about dinner because she's not interested in dinner. She wants a proposal or some sort of commitment that the relationship is moving forward. You're at a crossroads in the relationship. Either you propose or you move on. There is a chance that with time, she'll come back to you because she misses you, but right now, she's going to try and find someone who wants a commitment with her. If you're that guy, this is your moment to step it up. But be honest with yourself. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

If you want to ask me some more questions -- which it sounds like you do ;) -- it's probably best to respond to what I wrote with your questions. I'll respond in kind.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.