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[Standard] Is it okay to give a guy my blessing to date my soon to be ex wife?

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
28

What are the ages of the other people involved:
26 and 34

What is your relationship status:
Separated

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Separated

How long have the two of you been together:
6 years married

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Separated

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
2 kids 1 & 4

What country do you live in:
USA

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

Hello, my name is Daniel. A little context for the situation; my wife and I have been separated for over 3 weeks now. We still live together and are headed for divorce. My wife has been hanging out with her single friends once a twice a month for a while now. She has a guy friend who has given her attention. Attention I don't really give her anymore. Before I continue, be aware this has nothing to do with why we are getting divorced. But since we've been separated, she's been talking to him more. She admitted to me she has feelings for him. I personally know the guy. He's a great guy and respectful (may not seem that way because of the attention he's given her knowing she's married) in the sense that he hasn't made unwanted advances or gestures. He knows she's married to me and didn't want to be the cause of our divorce.

My question is, would it seem inappropriate or uncomfortable to reach out to him behind my wife's back and basically give him my blessing to date her? Or would that make things worse especially if he told my wife I reached out to him or that it would be none of my business? It this point I know I shouldn't be involved in her love life but I still care about her.

Thanks!

Re: [Standard] Is it okay to give a guy my blessing to date my soon to be ex wife?

#2
Hi Daniel! The answer to your question is simple: It's inappropriate to go behind your wife's back to tell a man that it's okay if he dates her. Your wife's social life, if the two of you are separated and heading for divorce, is not really your business -- even if you mean well. Your intervening appears to be meddling. It can also be seen as controlling. And, it is going to complicate an already complicated situation: you're married and living together -- but separated and heading towards divorce. I know you think that's a simple lifestyle, but it's actually not. If you don't realize that now, you will -- buckle up! Instead, my advice is to focus on your relationship with wife. If you want to divorced, then get divorced. Start by separating physically and not living together -- even if you both have to move in with friends or relatives to make the separation work. Then, start the legal process. The longer you wait to do these two things, the more complicated your lives will be. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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