Hello, my name is Daniel. A little context for the situation; my wife and I have been separated for over 3 weeks now. We still live together and are headed for divorce. My wife has been hanging out with her single friends once a twice a month for a while now. She has a guy friend who has given her attention. Attention I don't really give her anymore. Before I continue, be aware this has nothing to do with why we are getting divorced. But since we've been separated, she's been talking to him more. She admitted to me she has feelings for him. I personally know the guy. He's a great guy and respectful (may not seem that way because of the attention he's given her knowing she's married) in the sense that he hasn't made unwanted advances or gestures. He knows she's married to me and didn't want to be the cause of our divorce.
My question is, would it seem inappropriate or uncomfortable to reach out to him behind my wife's back and basically give him my blessing to date her? Or would that make things worse especially if he told my wife I reached out to him or that it would be none of my business? It this point I know I shouldn't be involved in her love life but I still care about her.
#2April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
Hi Daniel! The answer to your question is simple: It's inappropriate to go behind your wife's back to tell a man that it's okay if he dates her. Your wife's social life, if the two of you are separated and heading for divorce, is not really your business -- even if you mean well. Your intervening appears to be meddling. It can also be seen as controlling. And, it is going to complicate an already complicated situation: you're married and living together -- but separated and heading towards divorce. I know you think that's a simple lifestyle, but it's actually not. If you don't realize that now, you will -- buckle up! Instead, my advice is to focus on your relationship with wife. If you want to divorced, then get divorced. Start by separating physically and not living together -- even if you both have to move in with friends or relatives to make the separation work. Then, start the legal process. The longer you wait to do these two things, the more complicated your lives will be. I hope that helps.