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Dating with Kids, Should I feel bad?

#1
I recently started dating this woman. she has threee kids that stay at home. I have always been great with kids, I have two daughters myself. One of her childeren is very hyper and doesnt listen to her. Everytime I go over there he hits me climbs on me and is a terror. I have always been able to get alone with kids have never had any problems.
I recently took The two younger kids, and my date to a pumpkin patch to get them pumpkins, then took them out to dinner. The entire evening was very stressfull for me. The younger one was being loud, rude, climbing on the booth on the table and just way out of control. I said nothing of course, but felt very uncomfortable. I had to go outside at one point to smoke. (which i dont do unless i am drinking or am stressed) It is obviouse that Mom does not know how to diciplin on control this child.) I have never believed in spanking for anyreason and have never spanked my kids, but to be honest I wanted to whip that kids ass! when we got to there house I told Mom that I would not be coming in. He had dessert and would be on a sugar high any moment. She asked why ( I think she new) and I told her that he stresses me out and I feel bad that I feel that way but it is what it is. She asked so now what. And i said that I would perfer that I only see her when he is at his Dads or is not there. She of course was hurt, but I felt I needed to be honest. I am not there dad and do not want to be. When dating people with kids or in realstionships that I have had, I like to take what I call the Grand Parent approach. Meaning the dicipline is not up to me other than protecting my personal space and belongings and keeping them out of harms way. She stated that there is nothing she can do, and that he has medical problems. Well I seen how she handled the situation at the restaurant and its obviouse to me that she has no idea how to dicipline him. Meaning false threats over and over with not consequences. I want to see this girl again but the stess of this child is to much for me to handle. Thing is, I have never had this problem, I am great with kids, and really love them, but for some reason I cant deal with this little shit. Any advice?

Re: Dating with Kids, Should I feel bad?

#2
Well, depending on the type of relationship you are interested in, my response will vary. If you were just interested in casual dating, my response would be completely different than if you were interested in a long term relationship. That said, I'm going to assume you are interested in a long term relationship.

My first piece of advice is -- listen to your instincts! Next, I recommend that you give your girlfriend and your relationship some space while you give yourself the opportunity to assess if the two of you are really compatible before you move any further in this relationship. During this process, I think that it's very important for you to date other women to see what else is out there. After all, you have more than just you to think about.

Parenting styles that differ CAN be a deal breaker when divorced moms date divorced dads. Yes, dating IS more complicated for divorced parents because it's not just the two of them. It's the two of them, their kids, their kids' other parents, other grandparents, etc. When singles date there are certain areas that are important in order to make a relationship work -- like religion, socio-economic background and present, sexuality, work ethic, energy levels, etc. If the discrepancy between two singles dating in any of these areas is too great, the relationship may very well not work. When divorced parents date, parenting styles and issues surrounding the children DO count as potential areas of compatibility or deal breakers.

A discrepancy in how a divorced mom parents and disciplines her children can negatively affect her relationship with the divorced dad she is dating if they marry, and it will definitely affect any blended family dynamics, negatively.

My advice is that if you decide to continue to date this woman -- proceed with great caution. I personally think it's got t-r-o-u-b-l-e written all over it.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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