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should i date a married woman?

i think i've met someone at church shes abit older and was married but is divoricing this guy its just
taking a while, on top of that she has a son, but seems to like me. im unsure if i should go out with her or not, im 20 and shes 24 her son is also 2. what do you think?

Re: should i date a married woman?

I think it's pretty basic -- don't date anyone who is still married.

You're worth having a woman all to yourself -- and if she's still married, she's still married. Period.

Lots of men make the mistake of dating a woman who is "practically divorced", and find themselves in the middle of heartbreak or broken bones. Even if she tells you she's divorcing, there may be two sides to the story -- in fact there most likely are, and her husband has the other half of that story. If she's still not divorced you're going to be a rebound relationship for her -- which may be fine for you, but if you want more, it may lead to a broken heart for you. She needs to get out there and date and figure out what went wrong with her divorce and get some distance between her soon to be ex-husband, that relationship and her next one.

In addition, she has a young child who is going to suffer the trauma of divorce and the transitions that go with it. The child doesn't need a new man in his life any time soon. More, until the ink is dry on the divorce decree, and a judge has stamped it, she can change her mind and go back to her husband. And if all that isn't enough to change your mind, remember that husbands -- even ex-husbands -- in fact even ex-husbands who instigated the divorce -- can become very proprietary and jealous when they see their ex-wife with another man or even hear wind of the fact that she's dating. If he's unstable, then you've got not only a potential married girlfriend, with a son, but you've got her unstable husband in her life -- and believe me he's not going to be happy that his son has a potentially new step-father to take his place -- and even though YOU think that that is jumping the gun, he won't. He's going to feel displaced, jealous, angry, and maybe more. How he acts on those feelings is completely unknown.

Have I scared you off completely? I didn't mean to. However, since you're 20 years old, and at the beginning of your "dating career", you need to follow a few rules, number one being, Date single women.

The second rule you need to understand is that there are a LOT of women for you to date. You may or may not believe that right now, but when you want a date, it's easy to get one. There are lots of women all around you, and there dating services and internet dating among other personal and private dating services and venues. So, how do you decide who to date so that you don't end up swarmed with Ms. Wrongs? You know yourself and what it is you want.

It's very easy to get involved with a woman, and once you are, getting uninvolved because you've made a mistake from the get-go, is not so easy for many people. There are hurt feelings, wasted time and money and missed opportunities. So the more you know what you want in a date, the better your dating experiences will be.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before you start dating: What kind of relationship do you want? Do you want to date more than one woman at a time? How many women do you want to date, if so? If you want to just have a good time, but not get serious, then you'd be wise to stay away from single mothers --- they have responsibilities and while they definitely want to have fun, they are not as carefree as women without children. It's a fact. If you do want to get serious, then are you looking for a long term, committed relationship that will lead to marriage or just a committed, monogamous relationship for now? Do you want to experience women of all different ages or someone closer to your own age? Does religion, race, background and other similarities matter to you? How much do they matter -- are they "deal breakers"?

Some of these questions you can ask yourself now. Some questions will come up as you begin dating. You'll realize things about yourself that you didn't know were important or even questions. That's the beauty of dating -- self-discovery and sharing that discovery, which is what intimacy is.

So the bottom line is, no, you should not go out with this woman. You should meet women who are single, and if they're divorced, at least a year out of their divorce, so that you're not Mr. Rebound, and they may possibly be Ms. Right.

I wish you good luck in love and life,

April Masini
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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