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I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Female

What is your age:
25

What are the ages of the other people involved:
20

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
1 year, 5 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
No

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
United States of America

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

April, I figured I would start by giving you the context of what I have done. This is the google document of the story I wrote and emailed to her.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DUK ... 2h7lg/edit

So, around two weeks ago I was confronted by her, and instead of dealing with my issues like a man I broke up with her. It took me 6 days to decide I made an enormous mistake. I tried to win her back but she had already begun dating another guy. She doesn't want to try to fix things right now. She is afraid I'll hurt her and I am not trying to change. I cannot prove to her that I am changed and that she is everything to me. I have no way to prove it if she won't let me. Anyway, she said she needs a break and wants to try dating him, and doesn't know how she feels about me anymore. The question I have is do I talk to her? Do I wait? Do I continue to wait for her? Why does this guy mean so much to her, how can he mean more than me? She says she still wants to talk to me and she is truly sorry that she has to do this. What does any of this mean? Do I stay hopeful? How do I react, how do I feel? When we do talk it is very casual and I am afraid to bring up deeper thoughts because she has heard it all before and is truly fed up with me. I know it is petty, but she has also left all of our facebook photos up, what does that mean? And how can I win her back, especially with everyone telling her not to give me a shot, and when she won't even meet in person with me.

Thanks,
David

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#2
I don't access outside links like the one you included here, so next time let me know what caused you to dump her in the first place, so we can best figure out if and how you can get back together. ;)

Since you have a list of questions, I'll answer each one here:
The question I have is do I talk to her? Do I wait? Do I continue to wait for her?
I need to know more about what caused the breakup and what you want to do differently to show her this won't happen again.
Why does this guy mean so much to her, how can he mean more than me?


I'm not sure this guy does mean that much to her. He may just be a way for her to get past the break up, the way a rebound partner eases the pain.
She says she still wants to talk to me and she is truly sorry that she has to do this. What does any of this mean?
She's trying to get you to not be angry at her. Women tend to do this when they move on -- they want things to be smooth and everyone to stay friends. It doesn't work, but they still try to do it! ;)
Do I stay hopeful? How do I react, how do I feel?


I don't have enough details about the breakup, what caused it, what led up to it -- so I can't tell you whether or not to be hopeful. And the way you feel is the way you feel. There are no right or wrong feelings. As for the way you react, that has to do with what you plan is -- and like I said, without knowing why you broke up, it's hard to respond.
When we do talk it is very casual and I am afraid to bring up deeper thoughts because she has heard it all before and is truly fed up with me.


Good call on your part.
I know it is petty, but she has also left all of our facebook photos up, what does that mean?
It means that she still has fond feelings for you.
And how can I win her back, especially with everyone telling her not to give me a shot, and when she won't even meet in person with me.
Again, you've got to fill me in on why you broke up, so I can help you decide if this is something you can reverse and overcome. ;)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#3
So I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago, I realized how much of a mistake that was. Now she has moved on and doesn't really want much to do with me. I am making the changes to what brought to the relationship to an end, I truly believe I am different than before. She says she can "see a future with me, but not right now, and she doesn't believe me right now". I guess my question is should I stay hopeful, or move on? And how can I prove to her I am different if we rarely talk (she will respond to me, I am waiting to see if she will initiate)? And if she is falling for this guy it just makes my case so much harder, I realize that love isn't jealous I am not jealous of him, I just don't understand what to do.

Some back story: I was just continually using dating apps; and seeking validation from other women than her, going as far as to send pictures to one girl.

She says we can be friends, and responds to my messages, but I am currently in the process of seeing if she will message me. Everyone always gives me the advice to WAIT. Well, I am waiting and it is hell. So I am just curious to what exactly I am waiting for? How can I show her how I'm changing if we rarely talk. If she doesn't initiate the conversation by like Sunday afternoon, should I? I know, i know, wait and be patient maybe she will come around, but it doesn't look good for me does it? Would it just be healthier to accept I ruined things and she could very likely be happier without me and focus on moving forward without her? Or does it seem like maybe one day she will come back to me?

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#4
So, you were dating her for a year and five months, during which time you were contacting other women on dating apps and looking for validation from them. Got it. Given that, I don't think you should stay hopeful about getting her back anytime soon. :( Since you were doing this throughout the entire 17 month relationship, it's going to be impossible for you to prove to her that you're different without dating her again. Even if she were willing to talk to you, simply talking isn't going to prove to her that you've changed. She'll need to see your behavior being different and the best way for her to do that is to give you another shot -- which it doesn't sound like she's willing to do. At least not now.

I think the best thing for you to do is to get out there and start dating again -- and really use this next round of dating to figure out if you still like having lots of women in your life, like you did when you were dating her and still using the dating apps -- or if you find someone who is enough for you to be with just them. There are lots of people who aren't ready to be monogamous and there's nothing wrong with that -- as long as you're not fooling yourself or someone else. But if you want monogamy, try to date until you find someone you want to be monogamous with. If you try to force a relationship that isn't right for you, you'll end up acting out, like you did.

And the best side effect of getting out there and dating is that if you are going to get another chance with your ex, it'll probably be because she sees you out there being attractive and successful. 8-)
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#5
I would try easing off a bit. People can't miss something that is always around them. You looked like you're being pushy with this girl a lot and she's pretty happy going on and dating this guy. Try not to be frustrated at how you want the world to be, but more so try to adapt to the way it actually is. Sometimes this means taking it on the chin and learning from your mistakes.... as for this case though, now, at this time... I would stop chasing her... Often it's the only way to get people back.... Ever heard of push and pull?? You are pushing her now... so maybe let her wonder what happened to you and why you stopped contacting her.... If she does, don't ask about the other guy, or her dating life. It shows insecurity... Just try to be light and fun and have an air of mystery around yourself wont hurt as well.... Ultimately you want to meet her though, so if she does get intouch, grab a drink with her or something. Again, don't be insecure and ask about other guys. Let the other guys get jealous.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#6
That's great advice. Let us know how things are going.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#7
I would try easing off a bit. People can't miss something that is always around them. You looked like you're being pushy with this girl a lot and she's pretty happy going on and dating this guy. Try not to be frustrated at how you want the world to be, but more so try to adapt to the way it actually is. Sometimes this means taking it on the chin and learning from your mistakes.... as for this case though, now, at this time... I would stop chasing her... Often it's the only way to get people back.... Ever heard of push and pull?? You are pushing her now... so maybe let her wonder what happened to you and why you stopped contacting her.... If she does, don't ask about the other guy, or her dating life.
That's great advice. Let us know how things are going.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#8
I'm in a situation at the moment where I have continually forgiven my partner for similar behaviour and enough is enough. I've come to realise that he doesn't respect me and I need to respect myself. Maybe she is in a similar situation.
However, I find it strange that she moved on to dating another guy so quickly after you guys broke up. I feel hurt and betrayed by what happened to me that it will take me a long long time to even begin trusting somebody else again. I think your best bet is to move on and cut contact to a minimum as it won't be good for either of you, dating new people and staying in touch with such a recent ex.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#9
Thanks for sharing.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

Re: I broke her heart, ruined everything, and want her back.

#10
I met a man thru website for language exchange,he was 41,divorced ad has a girl 7 yrs old,the age difference between me and him was 18 years.
We fell in love with each other although our whole communication was basically thru internet.
He proposed and got refused but we continued in our relationship,after that we dated once and I was the one who travelled to his city to see him live and it was at the airport cuz he was travelling to work in another country,I gave him 6000 on two shots as form of help with no request from.him.
After sometime and my friends' advice that this is game,I requested my money,the first time he got angry and felt that I broke the trust between us and I felt guilty so I cancelled the request and apologized.
Then after I took a firm descion to break up with him,I requested the money again,he got angry also but the end he starts to give me some of the money.
I was so driven emoitioally in this relationship,this is my analysis but I want hear ur analysis to guide me,thanks.

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