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Complicated situation and confused

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
29

What are the ages of the other people involved:
35

What is your relationship status:
Separated

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Separated

How long have the two of you been together:
6 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Mine final in September

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Me: 2, 2, 7mo; Him: 7 and 13

What country do you live in:
US

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I'm separated from my husband and divorce is final end of Sept. My bf has been separated over a year. We started dating in Jan. I am the first person that he's dated since his separation, and he is mine too. We are in love and he was first to tell me around a month ago. He is a consultant and has a very good reputation in his field. His company was taken over in Apr by a national firm, expectations were ridiculous, and they wanted him to move to AZ. He was being scheduled basically 7am-11pm. He broke his contract a couple months ago and it seems is unofficially black balled. His ex had already secured a job in AZ when he quit, but hadn't signed a contract and knew he was no longer planning to move. She decided to still move as it's a good job and is taking the kids with (he's been very understanding as her contract is only a year. I feel part of the reason that he quit was because he knows I have no interest in having a long distance relationship, and has talked often about wanting to move in together when he can find another job. We last saw each other 9 days ago, and said he'd make sure to see me before he leaves. He leaves tomorrow to drive to AZ in one packed car while she will be driving the other packed vehicle with the kids. He is staying until Aug as his ex starts her job in a week, but kids don't start school until end of Jul. He is leaving both cars there, selling hers, and flying back here. For the last two days he hasn't initiated contact often, but we talked yesterday night for hrs until early this morning and was very sweet. I didnt hear from him today until I tried to call around 2:30pm. He apologized and said he left his phone in the house and I know he's been packing. I've only heard from him once since. I know that he's stressed especially about the kids leaving, but he hasn't made any attempt to make sure that we see each other again before he leaves. I feel like if I mean as much as he says I do that he would have made sure we saw each other, and also be more intentional about texting before middle of the day. Am I being unreasonable? I understand how big of a change this is for him.

Re: Complicated situation and confused

#2
I'm sorry you're confused -- it sure sounds like there is A LOT going on! Between both your divorces not yet finalized, his wife moving to Arizona with his kids, his losing his job, his moving to Arizona to settle in his wife and kids before leaving them there, and your six month romantic relationship with him, there is a lot to be uncertain about. So, don't sweat the small stuff. Don't give him a hard time about not contacting you or seeing you before he leaves tomorrow. He hasn't been neglecting you by playing golf for a week, or drinking beer with his buddies. He's been taking care of business. The best thing you can do is to be generous, understanding, patient and sweet. Tell him you'll miss him -- don't berate him for not putting you first during these last nine days. Tell him you understand how stressed he is and that you can't wait to have him back in August -- don't give him a hard time for leaving you for a month. If he apologizes for not contacting you because he's been so busy, thank him for the apology and tell him how much you're looking forward to being together. I know you're anxious, and people tend to lash out when they're stressed, but hedge against it. Send him a gift, send his kids little gifts, and make him miss you. This poor guy is super stressed right now with very real life stressors, and what he needs is a girlfriend who makes him feel good about himself and the relationship he has with you -- not someone who's another burden on his plate. Because his plate is full of burdens right now. You need to be the light, not the heavy problem. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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