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[Standard] Stuck in a loop

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
19

What are the ages of the other people involved:
18

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
Not dating now

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

So about three years ago I dated this guy. I liked him for a while and eventually we got together. He was a good boyfriend but I ended things.I think I was too young and I was afraid, maybe? But over the years our paths have crossed a little bit but nothing major. However, recently we had started talking again and even made plans to see one another. I didn't expect much but that night we spent HOURs together and it just felt normal. It would have been nice to keep things that way and remain friends but things progressed. It all made me feel a certain way about him. I could have sworn he felt something too but he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Which to be honest, I wasn't either. I don't know if that means he doesn't have any type of feeling at all. But I never told him how I felt either so how is he supposed to know how I feel? Now I feel like he's losing interest in me and the friendship entirely. A lot is going on in his life right now so he is very busy. I'm not sure if he's just very occupied with that or if he's just not too interested in moving forward with me in his life. So I'm wondering was it even a good idea to begin with to enter into each other's lives with all of the history we had? Should I give him his space as he is very busy or decide to walk away? I felt something with him and I feel as though we have something between us.I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me in his life. I still feel guilty for breaking his heart years ago. I feel like I let someone go that was very special years ago and now it's too late to bring back. But I'm scared of ruining this opportunity incase this is my redemption. I'm stuck.

Re: [Standard] Stuck in a loop

#2
You're only as stuck in a loop as you choose to be. More likely, you're simply disappointed. You had a reunion with an old boyfriend and it isn't playing out the way you want it to. You can hang in there and try to wait and see if he changes his mind. You can flirt with him to try and entice him to do so. You can be the aggressor and make things happen because of your own will. But the bottom line is that he's just interested in the same thing you are at this time. And that's why people say that timing is everything. Whether or not the two of you had a connection or feel a spark or crazy chemistry, if one of you is not ready or interested in the same thing that the other person is, if you don't feel these emotions at the same time, then you're not going to be able to move forward with the relationship. That's what's happening here. You mentioned that he has a lot going on in his life and isn't ready for a relationship right now. That's legit, and he's being straight up with you. Don't make yourself crazy by trying to twist that or ignore it. As for the fact that you feel guilty about breaking up with him years ago, it's time for you to move past your guilt. It sounds like your reasons for the breakup were also valid at the time. You were young and not ready for a relationship. I'm sure that anyone reading this can understand that. Forgive yourself, so you can move past that. For now, I think you should be flirty and enticing when possible, but let him be the aggressor and if and when he's ready for you, you can decide if you want in. But for now, you have to readjust and accept what he's telling you. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.
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