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love triangle, 2 guys & 1 girl

#1
hey there,
i am a 19 year old male and there are two other people in this equation - an 18 year old guy and girl. the girl, lets call her joan (for argument's sake i'll be 'jack', and my other friend 'john') and i use to be a kind of item with her. we hung out all the time, and used to fool around with each other from time to time.
but now its just not right, let me explain.

i've known john for years, i went to school with him, we've been on/off buddies for ages, but since college started we've been great mates.
only in the last half year or so has joan also become friends with john.
and for a while, it was great - the 3 of us would be able to have good laughs, and good times.
but joan started frequenting my apartment a bit too often; she became complacent about coming over, and stopped treating me or it with any respect (other than when it occurs to her to say thank you for form's sake, it doesn't come across as sincere appreciation, rather the desire not to cover her own ass in case i were ever to confront her, she rarely helps clean up and doesn't appreciate that its my home at all, she used to call over late at night really, immobile from alcohol until i told her i thought we should hang out a bit less, that she should not stay the night as often etc..) she seems to have ignored this though, because anytime i have john (or any friends over) she assumes that she too can call over (despite the fact that we're really not on the best terms, is it right for her to be there just because she wants to see OTHER friends that we happen to share? it isn't a case of "no, they're MY friends!" but it feels rotten letting her in when she doesn't come to my home to see or talk to me, only for the other people that happen to be there - btw, they aren't there so often that she doesn't have a choice, she could easily see them quite a lot without coming to my apartment).

now,
she's started hanging out solely with john (and john is great, he'll hang out with whomever asks him to, he's a really great person) and i can't seem to ever hang out with john anymore without her being there, and when it's the 3 of us it's awkward and just not right.
when it's just me and john its fantastic, we have great times,
and i know that when its just her and john they too have really great times,
and i think that i am trying a lot harder than she is to be respinsive towards her, to pay her attention and to TRY and get on with things, but she often blatantly interrupts me whenver i'm talking, and will change her entire plans to hang out with john.
lately i've been getting the feeling that she doesn't like me and john hanging out together without her.

here's the kicker...
i think there's either something between her and john,
or
something between me and john.

john isn't the kind of guy to get mad at ideas like this, he's incredibly open minded and liberal-like, and i'm not sure, i could be wrong, but i've been getting these perceptions that there may be something more to it.
i don't think that joan likes me at all to be honest, though i still like her as a friend (kind of, if she carries on with this behaviour then i think i will keep my distance) but i dont want to distance myself from john, i think i might like the guy a lot, and i don't think that he would laugh or be shocked if i asked him about it. he certainly wouldn't stop talking to me or anything,
we'd be able to move past it if i'm wrong and there's nothing to it i think.
he's given me really cool presents in the past. really sentimental things that prove he listens to what i say
(though he's by nature a wonderful character, i think he gives fantastic presents to all his friends)


what do you think,
i think i should talk to john about it and see what he says, or leave it and see what happens?
thanks for any help!
=D

Re: love triangle, 2 guys & 1 girl

#2
Your question is really just about you and John, so in answer to that, if you're interested in him, and want to pursue a romantic relationship with him, it would seem prudent to want to do more things with just him and him alone. This is going to take a little initiative on your part. You're going to have to ask him out and tell him you'd like it just to be the two of you, and not Joan, too.

In addition to which, if Joan keeps crossing social boundaries, then it's your job to make them more clear for her, by telling her she's not invited in. I know that's a little crass, but she's sort of made it impossible for you to behave in any other way, since she's ignored your request that she not hang out so much, and she's disrespecting your apartment.

I hope that helps you get some clarity on a romance with your friend John.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

Re: love triangle, 2 guys & 1 girl

#3
What to talk about with a girl during online dating? The question the guys usually ask the girls are short, primitive. The girl must have heard them not once from the guys failing during approach to get acquainted. Therefore, she will not select you from the gray mass of the other guys. And you will receive a negative response to your offer to continue communication. I have thought about this for a long time. And I came to the conclusion that there are no general patterns for each case. Everything is very individual here.
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