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[Standard] Ex says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. Should I walk away?

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
51

What are the ages of the other people involved:
51 and 55

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
18 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
Yes

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
2 years

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
I have one 24

What country do you live in:
Scotland

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

Dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We had an amazing start to our relationship. We were both incredibly happy. I took very ill after about 9 months.
Until then we had a busy and exciting life
I lost all energy , was in constant pain.
I was I was in so much pain I couldn't even cuddle properly and our sex life dropped.
It was a miserable time for both of us.
The new medication didn't originally work and things took their toll on our relationship until we spilt 3 months ago
New medication is finally working
I didn't want to talk to my ex until I was sure
Just as I was about to say that he started seeing someone else.
I asked if we were definitely over or did we still have a discussion to have
Hetold me he still loves me and we agreed to meet that night at his suggestion
We met had a very good talk about things I asked him whether he thought there was a chance for us he said he didn't know.
So I said I would leave while I still had some pride. As I went to get up off the chair but he came over on and we embraced. We had a very passionate session but I put a stop to sex.
Eventually I left and came home.
He called later that night.
Since then he calls all the time
One night I was speaking to someone else and he called 6 times and sent 2 texts.
Another night he dropped by.
He didn't stay long we had another passionate embrace but again I didn't allow sex.
Yesterday we met up in town and had a few nice cocktails and something to eat, we other things on
The new girlfriend picked him up they went back to his and slept together. She left after 1 am and he text me. I was asleep and never heard it so he texted again at 6 am to ask if I was ok
Then we ended up speaking on the phone for about 2 hours. Talking about our relationship in depth
Now tonight I know he is with her again.
He said he needs time to get his head sorted out before he makes a decision
He also told me that he had wanted us to get back together until he met this woman but thought I didn't
Help!

Re: [Standard] Ex says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. Should I walk away?

#2
I know you really like him, but if you've dated someone for 18 months, and they're not sure about you or about the relationship -- there's probably not a chance for a solid future together. In addition, he left when you got sick, which doesn't show a lot of commitment to you. It sounds like you're blaming yourself for getting sick and not being able to cuddle or have sex -- but it sounds like this was only a three month illness, not a chronic conditions. And since the two of your are both in your 50s, you have to face the reality that it's more likely that one or both of you may have health issues in the coming years, than if you were dating in your 20s or 30s. Many people have super healthy senior years, but it's also not uncommon for folks to have medical issues as they get a little older. So, in a way, you got a little insight into what he may do if you were to wind up together again, and the chips were down. :?

I don't think this is someone who is going to make a loyal, long-term partner -- simply because he left when you got sick and is back when you're better, but without giving up his new girlfriend. Dating your for 18 months was plenty of time for him to decide if you were "the one" or not, and I think he's decided you're Ms. Right Now -- not the one he'd give up a girlfriend for, or stick around for if you got sick. That's a fun time boyfriend, not someone who is commitment material.

I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert and popular media resource —  author of four relationship advice books, the 'Ask April' advice column and the #1 free relationship advice forum where over 27,000 questions have been asked and answered, personally, by April. She has nearly a quarter million active forum members, 620,000 Facebook fans and over 1.4 million Twitter followers.

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