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[Standard] Is it infidelity when it's not physical?

Are you male or female:

Is the person your question is about male or female:

What is your age:

What are the ages of the other people involved:

What is your relationship status:

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:

How long have the two of you been together:
20 months

Is this an online only relationship:

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:

How long have you been divorced:
5 years

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
1 year...separated within the 20 months

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
I have one who is 12, she has 3 who are 19, 20, and 22

What country do you live in:

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
She is Filippino

2000 characters severely limits me! Anyway, I have been seeing a beautiful airline gate agent for 20 months. In our history, she has had issues putting her ex away for good. It has always caused problems because shes had secret interaction with him, and I’ve compromised her privacy to find out about it. She’s even had sex with him and dates. Why do I come back? Well I only have 2000 characters. But, she’s enchanting and unique, and gives me everything I want in a person. I learned to somewhat cope with him, but I do protest every time I saw an advance from him. I feel she should have turned him away, if she wants me. Since she is in customer service, pretty and ethnic, she gets hit on often. About 2 months ago, she told me she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do with me. I started to move on by dating. She realized she was losing me, and crashed a date at my house. Finally, after the ex issues, she was truly desiring me. We committed to each other finally! But since, she gets texts and calls, and at odd hours, from men whom she’s met mostly at work. Some are coworkers, but very distant coworkers. These men make a point of seeing her there. Customers give her business cards, and she takes them. A pilot has bought her a $300 jacket, with a card that says ‘Love, Robert’. She says that she told him she has me, but he still texts, and I think she hasn’t said much to him, but I don’t know. She met a man on a flight where she was a passenger. They swapped info. All of this on my watch. I’ve seen enough interaction where, to me it’s no mistaking. She says that she does nothing physical with them. I mostly believe that. But she reaches out to them, and these are men that want to date her and more. These are not men that want to be simple acquaintances. To me, it sends the wrong message for her to keep them around. I think she likes the attention. She’s fantastic in every way else, so thats why I stay. She thinks she does nothing wrong, because there is nothing physical.

Re: [Standard] Is it infidelity when it's not physical?

This isn't infidelity -- it's you wanting a commitment from a woman who is not ready for a commitment. ;) She's only been divorced for one year now, so she's playing the field. And she's not completely done with her ex-husband, since it sounds like she's still involved with him as well, as their marriage winds down. Divorce is a legal transaction, but the heart is not as rigid as the law. She's working a lot out, emotionally and socially -- and this is very frustrating for you! Since you know she's got all these other men giving her attention, and she's also crashing your dates -- it's your choice whether or not to continue dating someone who's not ready to settle down and wants to flirt, date and maybe even sleep with other people until she's ready for another commitment, whenever that is. I know this is tough for you because you want her to want what you want -- but she doesn't. So..... while it's wonderful that she's enchanting and charming and all those other good things we look for in a date, you need more You need someone who's compatible with you in terms of lifestyle and commitment level. She's not. :oops: My advice is that you move on and find someone who's ready for what you're ready for --- a commitment. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.