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[RUSH!] hurt, heartbroken and confused

#1
Are you male or female:
Male

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Female

What is your age:
28

What are the ages of the other people involved:
28

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
5 months

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
No

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
Norway

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

We met almost everyday and had sex multiple times a day every day of the week and spending the night over. I get a text from her where she tells me she really likes me and she wants to be with me everyday but if its best that we slow it down and not see each other that often. I told her that i understand and respected her choice. The same day she ask me over just to hang. We talk for an hour and i leave. The next day she ask me if i wanted to spend the whole day with her. I took it slow the first week and then it seemed like it was back on like normal. She asked me to open more up and not be so stiff towards her. She told me it was better to give it my all then to regret it later, so i did.

One day her ex came over and they talked. She called me and wanted me to come over after he had left. She was crying and told me it was difficult because he had no one to help him with hes problems. I asked if she had feelings for him and she said no. I told her i would not be a rebound. She got upset and asked me if that was all i thought this was. I asked her if she needed a break, and she told me no. She asked me if i needed one i told her that i like her to much to let stupid stuff like this come between us.

One night she was out with friend clubbing and her ex showed up. She felt like he had disrespected her in front of other people and a lot of stress at work. She felt like it was all a mess and told me it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. I got upset and in the heat of the moment i blurted out that i was in love with her and didn't want to stop seeing her. She told said that me having to move away was also a reason she didn't think we had a future. I told her i wanted to try and it was going to be her choice if we ended it.

We kept going like before. But one night she told me that she thought i should keep my options open to see other girls. This completely shattered me and i told her so.
Yesterday we decided to break it off. The last snap i got from her was with her in bed with a blanket almost not covering her breasts and she clearly had make-up on asking if it was my wish to keep in contact.

Re: [RUSH!] hurt, heartbroken and confused

#2
I'm not sure of the timeline here -- but when she sent you the text saying that she wanted to slow things down, that was a hint, to you that she was not interested in a serious relationship. Everything else she did after that just emphasized her lack of commitment to you and the relationship you have with her. After that initial text, she was up and down and all over the map. The only consistency she has shown is that she's inconsistent! And from the way you wrote your last paragraph, it sounds like this dynamic is a deal breaker for you. If it's not, and if you're up for more inconsistency, there's more to come. It really seems that's on the table. But the problem here is that you want a serious relationship that is consistent and drama free, and no matter what she says, or how much sex she has with you, she doesn't. She invokes drama and gives you emotional whiplash. This drama may be because she doesn't want a serious relationship or because this is how she conducts all her relationships and this is what she's used to, but bottom line is that she's not going to offer you stability and that's what you want in a relationship.

I'm very sorry you're so upset. I know you are hurt and heartbroken, but I hope this will help you be less confused. There is a lot you like about her, but the drama and the living on the edge of the relationship all the time, is her thing -- and it seems like it is a deal breaker for you. As much you feel for her, the two of you are not compatible when it comes to this drama in a relationship, so as hard as it is to move on, I think that's your best bet. Try to find someone who is more compatible with you when it comes to the kind of relationship you both want, and understand that sometimes two people can be sexually compatible and have a lot of romance, but they're not compatible in other arenas, and that, is what tears the relationship apart. Having a lot of sex isn't always enough to keep things together in other arenas of the relationship. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

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