Premium RUSH! Response One RUSH! Response - one time fee. When you need the answer to your question FAST!
Premium PRIVATE Forum When privacy matters. Now you can ask April your question, and get her response, in complete privacy. Your question will never be displayed publicly. Only April will read it, and only April will answer it.
Go to premium plans page
Confidentiality is protected, however your post and account cannot be edited or deleted once it has gone live on the forum. No exceptions.

[Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy

#1
Are you male or female:
Female

Is the person your question is about male or female:
Male

What is your age:
22

What are the ages of the other people involved:
22-23

What is your relationship status:
Single

What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:
Single

How long have the two of you been together:
6 years

Is this an online only relationship:
No

Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:
No

If this is a long distance relationship, how often do you physically see each other:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, when is the wedding date:
Does not apply

If you’re engaged, but there is no wedding date set — why not:
Does not apply

Are you divorced or just separated:
Does not apply

How long have you been divorced:
Does not apply

How long has the person you are dating been divorced:
Does not apply

How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:
Does not apply

What country do you live in:
United States

Describe any cultural, religious or family influences impacting your relationship:
Does not apply

I have been with my bf for 6 years. We have been broken up since a couple of months ago. Since we've been broken up when I left him alone he contacted me again every day and it was like we never broke up. I would try to figure out when his class got out so on my way to class I could bump into him just so I could speak to him. I followed him while he was with another girl. I left him alone after that, I knew what I did was wrong. Leaving him alone I was doing good with the space for myself. Then I started doing pop ups at his apartment which he hates anyone doing that. I did this 3 times last year. Then I messed up on a trip I desperately missed him so I knocked on his door for 30 min. He didnt want to talk to me we couldn't be friends everything. I left him alone after that and during Christmas break I dealt with myself. I didnt try to contact him didnt try to see him nothing. We were warming back up to each other and a few days ago I wanted to tell him something I felt was important. I popped up at his place he was so angry with me to where he kicked me out. The same night he blocked me from everything so now I can't contact him at all. When we talked the next day he said that was the last straw for him. He wanted to be with me and get back together with me and everything but my actions were to much. I asked him what could I do to get him to forgive me for all of the damage done, and he said he didnt know. I would have to figure it out. It's a lot of damage and words aren't going to fix what has happened. If I want something to come back for him I have to show it through my actions, because he isn't going to accept my words. It would have to be something big to have him say wow she changed. When I got off the shuttle the day after this happened I didn't realize he got on the shuttle. When I looked back he was staring at me going inside of the building. I don't know what to do and I am scared I've lost him for good. This was 6 years and I don't want to lose him.

Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy

#2
Since the two of you are broken up, you have to understand that this might very well be over for good. I don't know why you broke up, but I'm sure that the two of you had your reasons and that they were good ones. If you do write to me here again, let me know why you broke up. Because if you do want to get back together again, the reasons for the break up are very important for any make up.

That said, it sounds like on top of the reasons for the break up, your ex is now upset about your showing up at his home without notice, knocking for 30 minutes, following him and another woman -- he's feeling stalked. This has complicated things, and now he's saying that this is the reason he doesn't want to deal with you any more. I think he'll calm down about this in time, but only if he can see that you are not going to repeat this behavior. I know how hard this is going to be for you, because you're panicked about losing him for good -- but you have to stop following him and showing up places where you know he'll be. Completely. If you can do that, and he sees six to twelve months go by without your showing up as a surprise, then -- and only then -- will he realize you're over that part of your reaction to the breakup. When that happens, you should joke about it, and apologize. But for now, you've got to cure the more recent problem -- the stalking. Then, give things some time, and let him come to you after that. There's a chance that once your stalking behavior ends, he'll actually miss the old you he used to love, and want to see you -- but only if you give him the opportunity to do so. I hope that helps.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.

[Private] Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy

#3
We broke up at first because of misunderstanding he thought I was trying to be rude to one of his friends that is a girl but that wasn't the case. We were fine in the break up after that. Until all of the stuff happened I sent to you prior. I talked to him today and he was pretty much like he doesn't want anything to do with me as of right now. I told him everything that I was going through and that my counselor helped me get through what I've been going through. I told him that he can't just punish me for not being myself. I told him again that I would prove it but he said I can't because it's too much damage. I want to fix the damage and he said that time would tell. Since I pushed him so far away. I want to fix everything I've broken because I really wasn't myself and I'm not happy at my choices yes I knew I was doing them but I physically didnt want to do them mentally I wanted to. I told him that out of the 6 years we've been together he should know me. I havent changed at all while we've been in college until I completely lost myself these last couple of months doing things I wouldn't normal do. I just want to fix everything and have a mature relationship with him. How do you fix so many mistakes and damage.

Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy

#4
A six year relationship is a big deal, and this break up has got to be very painful for you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It must seem like you realize what you did, and how you would like to do things differently now, and you really want him to give you a chance to prove to him that things are different, and that the causes of the breakup were just a glitch, and not your best self. But he's in a different place than you are, and he's not wanting to give you that opportunity right now, because he's testing the waters outside of the relationship and after six years of being in a relationship, he's feeling his freedom and wanting to just have his own space. That must make you frustrated and scared because it probably seems like you'll never get him back. You've got to work through these feelings and understand that this is a process. And you don't have control over him or his feelings. Allow yourself to feel frustrated and scared, but also try to look at the big picture. He may or may not decide, after some time, that he's ready to give things with you another chance. If he does, great. If he doesn't, you had a wonderful relationship. You made some mistakes. And you're going to learn from them. It's also not just your fault -- another man, or maybe this man in a few years with some more maturity, may not have felt your mistakes were such a big deal. Another man might forgive what you did or understand that it was just a blip. The bottom line is that he's doing him, and you have to do you. You can't change him. You can learn from the relationship and be kind to yourself. But for now, you can't force him back. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
April Masini is a relationship and etiquette expert, author of 4 books and the #1 relationship advice forum, blue-chip corporate spokesperson and preferred go-to source for the world’s most prominent media and news outlets.