Girl who isn’t sure in toughts

Hello dear April!I’ve found this site by accident while I was looking for ”girl impression tips”sites 😆 .Founding this one has brought me new hope for what I’m planing on the future,if…hopefully there would be any relation at all;so let me begin my story:
I’m 19 year old,and last summer through my best friend advice I meet this wonderful girl with pure soul thorough her messenger id.We talked allot,almost everyday,we laughted,we shared toughts,pictures and all,and I don’t know if she haven’t feeled that already but I certantly did.WE HAVE ALLOT IN COMMON!First of all,it’s the spirituality,the angels,the loving and caring for people,the psihologhic thinking!I was amazed of her vocabulary and thinking,especially from someone of her age,I know this not only by talking with her personaly on the mess but also from her blog and other people chats that she used to talk to,and she gladly shared some of her chats to me as well,just to let her see my opinion about it!During time I came to know this girl,and day by day I became fond of her(even if I was very skeptic at first)…even tough by that time I haven’t seen face to face!I’ve started to have feelings,to care for her,and even sometimes,becoming a bit gelous when she talks about other boys with me,boys that keep in touch with her,but I ignore the gelousy,for I respect her decisions,and even if her decision is to choose another boy rather then me,ehhh…life goes on 🙄
finnaly after one year she decided to meet me(note:I’ve been triyeng to get her out earlier but never convinced her,because of her being afraid of the annoyng ”mute”type of thing(didn’t told me that but I’ve found that from a source)thing when beeing togheter wich I totally disagree with that,I’m a very social guy if I’m around people wich I’m really fond of).So I’ve managed to take her by surprise by showing myself to her spectacle(she makes ballet)she didn’t expect I’ve come,infact I think she almost forget she called me and another friend[my best friend which I came to know her but wasn’t intersted to meet her because of some ”non important”motivation(it’s a long story)]so I came to her show all by myself,I even surprised her by showing myself behind the stadges,and she was like…almost no words,she smilled to me but could hardly say any words if I didn’t ask her;I myself was as well wordles because pf my emotions 😳 .But I was relaxed as I always am.We talked very little and after a few minutes before I got to meet a coulage of her too who was impressed upon meeting me as well,she asked me to go to the spectators seats and watch from there till she is finished,then come back.I did what she asked of me to do,and after I saw her on the stage…I was like ‘’WoW’’she’s…briliant.After her role has finished I tought she was done and because of my emotions I decided to go back behind the stage to say her goodbye and tell her that ‘’my mom called me to help her on something’’…it was just an excuse to go back home as soon as possible(it wasn’t with bad intention it’s just that,I coulden’t bare to stay any longer for fear of not sayng the right words…)but I saw a boy siting in front of her and her talking with him from far away,and I remember back then,beeing very…hearthbroken,so heartbroken that I was almost thinking of going home whitout sayng her goodbye,but I came back then and told her that I need to go,she told me to stay a little bit more to see her on her ‘’model’’role thing but,I was to fired up with emotions to bare more,so in the end I went home.So this was my first meeting,and guessed what?when I just logged in the mess she buzzed me telling lots of positive things about me,sayng true things like beeing relaxed,beeing a calm person and nice.I was like ‘’WoW’’she really thinks that?ofc I replied back to her about her as well,I complained about her beeing way to ‘’muted’’but she excused her because back then she was just…’’wordles’’ she didn’t expect me.
Anyway after my first meeting with her,it took some time to meet again,but not alone(sadly)but just with her friends(two girls,and three boys)very nice guys wich I’ve came to like them.Well on that meeting,I was social but not very convincing from her toughtes when I talked to her on the mess and asked her of what does she think of me(sayng I’m an ok guy)but the…third meeting was something more special.Lately I bought myself a guitar(not for special porpuse,but because I long wished to have one by myself and learn to sing)and seeing in it also a good thing to come along with I decided to take the guitar with me on my third meeting this time with one close friend of her wich he doesn’t like him but he loves him only as a pal(or like a brother or so)and another girl(good friend of her)cute too J…I tried to sing them even tough I haven’t got any experience on my back,I usually sing from my soul,heart,u name it,and it usually works very good if u put heart on it like I did it on the park.I remember her beeing very impresionated,especially the other girl that loves guitars allot(mostly rock guitars,I have a clasical guitar).In that meeting she made a few remarks on me by sayng that I have wonderful eyes,or an ideal ‘’guys back side’’,and beeing a right(phisicaly)and relaxed person,thing wich I gladly enjoied hearing from her(I wonder if that means something).Anyway this third meeting in my opinion was one of the niciest meeting I’ve ever been,I really enjoyed,especially when I had to show my ‘’beginners’’but good skill of guitar,and nonetheless nunchaku martial arts style,and normal martial arts style wich I practice.She became somehow to be fond of me,we were talking again allot on mess and such,but when I was trieng to get her out only the two of us,for example for a pizza(cuz she loves pizza)FOR ONCE,she was honest and did not put ‘’innocent excuses’’ and said,that she really doesn’t know,wich it explains something..
On my fourth meeting,it was the same group as last time only that this time I coulden’t sing anymore(lol)because of that damn raining,but I remember having fun by that time as well,we made some pictures,she even came closer to me by touching me with her corp unvoluntary,she bited with her fingers my ribs to see if it hurts me(at first it didn’t lol but at the end I’ve failed..lol)then I’ve tried to bite her ribs as well but didn’t let me.Anyway,when we went into a restaurant to eat something,she let me clean her mouth when she was a bit dirty on a part of her face(almost not letting me doing that but in the end she did not fight back)wich from her good girl friend she was finding it cute.She even told me face to face that I’m a very cute person,and kind.She told me once that she loves me(thing I haven’t figured out if she loves me as a friend or as something much deeper)but that ‘’ily’’thing only happened twice and never after.(Note:this meeting happened just a month ago this summer).In time she became to discover that I have feelings for her,even tough I excluded that in the past,I admited in the end when she asked me that,and then I’ve asked her the same question(hopeless)to see what she says.Unfortently she didn’t know…thing that drives me insain,just what are her toughts?first she manipulates me for telling her the truth that I might have a bit of feelings for her then she told me that she was always the ‘’unsure’’type of person…
Well,what can I say…she is a wonderful person,not only by fiziq but also psihicaly,she has allots in common with me things that I’ve discovered myself with my own eyes and it pains me if she doesn’t see that as well,it pains me when she dissapoints me(and she did allot of time but not in a bad way),IT PAINS ME WHEN I THINK OF A PERSON for nothing..so tell me,can u help me?the waiting is killing me,I really have wonderful and romantic plans if we are to have a relationship,but,I don’t know what her real toughts are,I usually think bad things about this like(she doesn’t seem to be atracted for me like me beeing myself for her…sadly)she thinks allot for that guy whom he thinks of him like a brother(curious thing,that guy isn’t even intersted to be with her because he is afraid of having a relation with her because if he would and if they end up the relation,their friendship might be as well over).He says that he’s too close to her to make up a relation with her.Anyway this is the whole story I had to say about it,thanks for reading and hopefully u will understand where I am getting at and give me good advice,and also sorry if my english was bad 😛.
Kind regards,and ‘’angelic hugs’’from GoldenAngel