- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 2 months ago by
stjaba.
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May 24, 2010 at 11:49 pm #2426
lastscotlandwolf
ParticipantApril,
My boyfriend acts like he’s the one to always have the answers, like he knows it all. This frustrates me, but I’m not sure how to handle it aside from getting in an argument to prove who’s right, or folding because I don’t want to argue. For most of my life I’ve just done the latter because I don’t like to argue, and it was in my nature to compromise myself to make other people happy. However, compromising myself is not what I want from my life anymore, so the only other way I know to handle a situation like that is to prove to him I DO know what I’m talking about and that he DOESN’T have all the answers, but it never ends well. I’m pretty sure that a male that acts like he knows it all is pretty common, so it would be great to know how to handle something like this. Any insight would help. Thank you.May 25, 2010 at 8:54 am #14026stjaba
ParticipantThis may seem kind of obvious, but…I suggest talking to him. That is, it could be that he’s just a know-it-all jerk. Or, it could be that he isn’t aware that he’s doing this, and needs to hear it from someone. I think there are different degrees of this problem. Is he always right because he is just quick to answer and dominates conversations? Or is he constantly correcting you / forcing a confrontation over who is right or wrong / putting you down in the process? Those are very different dynamics that could affect how big this problem is.
So, I suggest you find a neutral time and place (not just after you’ve been fighting, etc.), and explain to him that you feel he acts like he is always right, and that it makes you feel unappreciated, and it makes him look arrogant to others, or whatever is most important to you.
It’s very important to focus this conversation on his behavior and how it makes you feel. It would be helpful if you could come up with some constructive suggestions for what he could change. Depending on your boyfriend, be prepared to deflect him if he tries to turn it around on you. If he’s used to being right, it seems likely he will try to twist your conversation into a reason he is right, (“I don’t always do that. Just last Thursday you were right about the xxxxxx”). This is your opportunity to calmly point out that he is doing it again!
Anyway, his reaction to this is pretty important. If he’s receptive, then it may simply be a matter of positive reinforcement and patience over time as he tries to change his behavior. If he reacts negatively, it could be a sign that he’s not willing to to change, or that he’s likely to be inflexible in other areas of your relationship. And that’s important information when you’re thinking about continuing this relationship.
Let us know what happens!
May 25, 2010 at 12:24 pm #13824Evie
ParticipantMy ex-boyfriend was like that. He acts like he knows it all, and worse, he thinks and acts like he’s superior to others. My suggestions would be the same: talk to him. It’s clear that he doesn’t have regards to how you feel and he sounded kind of narcissistic. He needs to know how you feel. Communication is important in a relationship and without communication, it won’t work. He probably doesn’t know he’s doing it or that he just doesn’t care how you feel. Whatever the reason is, you need to get your feelings about his behavior out in the open. Otherwise you’ll just feel worse and unhappy in the relationship. Good luck!
May 25, 2010 at 1:16 pm #13859April Masini
KeymasterThere’s a saying that goes: You can be right or you can be happy. 😆 My suggestion is not to be right and not to prove yourself right. At least not all the time. If your relationship turns into a constant “courtroom” where you’re both trying to argue your cases to a judge that just isn’t there, you’ll end up in a combative relationship that sucks the intimacy and affection from the room.🙁 So, I suggest you change your attitude, lighten up and find a way to laugh at the situation — and at him (in a good natured way, of course!) — and find the humor in your relationship. Opposites can attract and make it work — but there has to be compromise and humor to alleviate the differences. When he thinks he’s right and makes sure you know it, find the laughter instead of the words that allow you to enjoy the differences between the two of you.
I know this is a new way of looking at things, but see if it works!
And….check out my new Facebook Group at:
[url]http://www.facebook.com/people/April-Masini/100001113133958 [/url] 😀 -
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