- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
April Masini.
-
AuthorPosts
-
May 20, 2009 at 5:05 am #982
stowle
ParticipantAbout a year ago a woman at work told me that she was unhappy with her marriage since her husband cheated on her. It wasn’t too long after that that she told me she was attracted to me and wanted to date. I told her not as long as she was married. I eventually gave in and we started dating at which point she separated from her husband and moved out. At that point I noticed that there was another co-worker of ours that would text her constantly. They work closely together and I was starting getting suspicious when he sent her a text asking “Do you have to be with him all the time.” Him meaning me. She said they had become good friends. I later found out that they had an affair together before we dated. This affair lasted a good 9 months. I was disappointed to learn this as I was under the impression that she was the victim in the marriage with her husbands one night of infidelity. I would consider her 9 month long affair much worse. While this affair happened after she found out about her husband’s affair, I found it disgusting. She insists that they can remain friends with this guy from work, but I feel he his way too close for just being friends. She no longer works at company, but we still date and they still communicate often. I have a lot of friends and none of them text me or e-mail me everyday like this guy does. I think he still has feelings for her and she thinks nothing of it. I get really angry when he e-mails or texts her or she e-mails him telling him to call her. Am I the only one that thinks that this guy should go away and that she should cease and desist any communication with this guy? Does it make sense for me to get angry at this guy? She thinks I should get over it and just let them be friends.
May 20, 2009 at 9:42 am #9193April Masini
KeymasterYou already know the answers to your questions…. Don’t you? You’ve asked for my opinion, so I’m going to be very frank.
First, you should thank your lucky stars that you’re just dating this woman and not married to her!
You can sit there and analyze things to death and try to determine why she is the way she is, why she said this or that — or why she
[i][b]really[/b] [/i] did the things that she did (like have the affair with you). But that’s not going to change anything. She is what she is. And[u]she’s clearly is not who you thought she was[/u] . Equally,[u]your relationship with her was not what you thought it was[/u] .Believe it or not, she’s done you a huge favor by letting you see The Real Her. She’s giving you the opportunity to move on and to find someone better for you.
Based upon what you’ve told me, I would recommend that you bite the bullet and cut your losses now… As painful as it is. You need to accept who this woman is and move on.
The truth of the matter is that if someone is going to cheat you simply cannot build a wall tall enough to keep them in. One way or another they are going to find a way to do it.
My experience has been that a cheat is a cheat and a liar is a liar. Someone who has cheated with you is very likely to cheat on you. Equally, where there is one lie (or affair), they are likely several other lies (or affairs).
As hard as it is to hear, the only real solution to this type of situation is to ask yourself if you can trust this person or not. If the answer is no, then you’ve got to ask yourself this next question:
[i][b]why would you want to be with someone you can’t trust?[/b] [/i] I am a firm believer that you cannot expect someone — anyone — to show any more respect for you than you show for yourself. If you don’t trust this woman because of her lies, her affairs and her dishonest behavior, then you need to demonstrate that the behavior is unacceptable to you and that you deserve better in the only way that really matters… by giving yourself the opportunity to meet and date someone you can trust.
This woman does not share your values —- you need to find someone who does.
I’m sorry.
May 20, 2009 at 11:31 pm #9197GPM
ParticipantGood answer April. This woman will always have a tendency to cheat as soon as she’s not happy. As for “stowle”, you’re a fricking a**hole for going out with a married woman who was having marital problems. What kind of values do you have? You want her to cheat on her husband (with you), but then you don’t want her to cheat on you…??? Nice one.
❓ January 18, 2016 at 12:29 pm #31787KeymasterHappy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉 I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have.
😀 -
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.