April…is it possible to fix this?

I recently made an amazing connection with a 20yr friend of my older brother’s. I’m 28 and he’s 35 and the sweetest man ever. Very caring, affectionate constanly even if it’s just a text message.

We started randomly leaving wall posts for each other when he added me to facebook. A couple months later I had a vacation coming up. Two days before I was to go to, I wrote in my status that I wasn’t feeling up to the trip. He left me a message saying he hoped everything was ok. I saw him online and said it wasn’t but had thanked him for asking. We started chatted that night and I told him I had just been diagnosed with MS. He was so caring and supportive, it meant a lot. From that night on we talked about everything under the sun and realized we have an amazing connection. We talked everyday. MSN, texting, emails, phone calls all several times a day everyday. Even when I was away we emailed.

When I got back we started spending more time on the phone and were totally falling for each other. I went to see him for my birthday. Things were amazing to say the least. However, that changed when his jelous cousin his cousin tracked us down and laid a huge guilt trip on my guy saying ” I guess im not important”. ( honeslty r u 5?) His cousin has had a thing for me, but just a sexual attraction. I hadn’t seen him in yrs. He had tried months ago to get me to go for a visit, I said no cause we want different things. When he brought it up again sometime later I told him I was interested in someone and he freaked. He freaked more when I told him who it was. I understood to a point, but even though we kept in touch we hadnt I hadn’t seen him in yrs. Anyway, after a long talk with his cousin, my guy came to me and asked me to go over with him and watch the hockey game (i compromised and said yes)

Then I made him compromise to come to a bon fire with me so I could see old friends. His cousin became insulting and rude to me in front of other people, and naturally I got upset. I asked mu guy to say something to him or I would. This went on for awhile and I warned my guy one more time. When he did nothing I pushed his cousin on the ground and walked off to the truck. This sparked a huge fight between my guy and me and I did something very out of my nature, I slapped him. I felt so hurt that he didn’t stand up for me. He claims he didn’t hear what was said, only saw how I reacted. When my guy said don’t ever hit me again, I slapped him again. He was livid. We got back to cousin’s and had a big fight. Then it was this get out, stay, game for a while. I said I was leaving he said “So that’s what you do when you care about someone you just leave instead of trying to work through it?” he stared me in the face and teared up. I stayed and in the morning he was not feeling well enough to get in to things. He said he was angry, but that it didn’t change how he felt about me. The next day when I got home the text terrorizing started, and he wouldn’t respond. So I started saying I knew he cared, that his tears were really ect. Finally he responded saying I made a fool of him, he was angry and that you can’t slap someone and expect them to take it. I apologized profusly and he said give me a sec to think. A few hrs later I texted again, but no response. So, I started going the other way saying that he didn’t care about me, that he used me and was tossing me aside like garbage. He said I knew that wasn’t true and I was way off base.

I really made him mad, but I also really hurt him when I said he didn’t care about me. A little later I look and he’s deleted me from Facebook and MSN, but didnt block me. Now he’s ignoring me completly. I sent a sincere letter of apology a few days later. I accepted responsiblity and told him I was doing things to ensure it wouldn’t happen again. His cousin deleted me too, but I don’t care about that. They are close and I know his cousin has been filling his head with garbage. (He’s happy he caused a rift.) 5 days ago I sent a text saying apologizing again ect. and said that in my eyes the door to friendship is always open and that I hoped that one day he could reciprocate. That was only a couple days ago. Still no response. I don’t think he believes me, and that he’s giving me the silent treatment to punish me….it’s working. He can be great at sulking for wks at a time. I stepped up to the plate and accepted my part in things and apologized. How am the only one who did any wrong here? I’m so depressed and crying all the time. I do feel terrible, he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I want to be with him. I’ve never sent a email asking for help like this before, I care about him more then I realized. I feel so bad and have been beating myself up big time, I miss him. We are long distance what do I do how do I prove myself to him?

PS.
He is mad and hurt I know, his pride is bruised. Before this he was offering to come with me to my MRI and other appts. Said he’d be my rock. Talked about being together long term. We were surprised, it was a little fast but 20yrs is a long to know someone. We talked about one of us moving so we could be together, and that that was the goal…to be together. How can he just shut down and forget me if he has feelings and cares and I believe he does. No matter what I know I’ll see him again, as he and my brother are still friends.

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