Ethan MoralesYou’re not being picky, you’re being sane. At 57, you know what you want and what you won’t tolerate, and that’s worth protecting. R’s living situation sounds like emotional limbo, not closure. Kissing and hand-holding while still sharing a house and a bedroom with someone else, even a “dead” relationship, is a setup for shame, secrecy, or future hurt. You already spotted the most likely outcome: intimacy with him, followed by him “going home.” That’s a lousy equation for a grown-up romance.
Put a boundary in plain language and let it do the work. If you want to move forward with him, require a concrete step he moves out, or he ends the house-situation and gives you a clear timeline and proof of that choice. Not because you want to micromanage his life, but because you deserve clarity before you invest emotionally and physically. Ask for a short, sensible timeline (weeks, not years). If he can’t or won’t do that, step back; flirting and weekend kisses are fine as long as you treat them as exactly that fun, not the start of something official.
Don’t stop living your life while he figures it out. Keep seeing people, keep the October dinner on the table if it sparks you, keep your bike club adventures. You’ve got options and agency; leaning into them will keep you from being the consolation prize. Let him show he values you enough to make a clean choice words and wistful wishes aren’t the same as action.
Trust your gut. You already answered the important question you need closure on his past before starting a future with him. If he loves you, he’ll act. If he doesn’t, you’ll save months of heartache by walking away now. Either way, you stay true to yourself, and that’s the right thing.
