I think you’re very clear headed and you’ve got this situation figured out. I might add that it sounds like she is rebelling against her mother and her family’s culture by keeping you as her “bad boy” separate and secret. When people feel repressed they have a tendency to rebel. Sometimes the rebellion is public — it can be a tattoo or a radical hair style or mode of clothing. Sometimes the rebellion takes the form of art like music or poetry. Other people act out in their relationships and you’ll often find someone from a strict tradition marrying way out of their culture as a way to rebel against it. These relationships can work out just fine — but there has to be a mutual understanding of what’s going on.
I think your girlfriend either wants to get caught or else she wants to keep you secret to heighten the excitement she feels in dating you, the forbidden fruit.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you’re right, she has to man up and tell her family that you’re important to her. If she doesn’t, you’ll know this isn’t that serious relationship you’re looking for.
April Masini, your AskApril