[April Masini, your AskApril]

Anti-depressants are extremely capable of killing anyone’s sex drive. So, ask her if she’ll see her doctor and discuss options for alternative medications or different doses of her anti-depressant. If she’s comfortable enough to have you join in the consultation, it would bring the two of you a lot closer. I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating, but if she’s willing to share the solution to this problem with you, you might learn something and even add to the physician consult about her anti-depressants and their affect on her sex drive.

Secondly, her chronic pelvic pain would definitely be a psychological reason to not want to have sex — and even to be depressed about sex. It’s important to be vigilant about health care, and I would suggest that she try and get to the bottom of the reason for her chronic pelvic pain, and the solution to the real problem for it. Lidocaine is an anesthetic that is used to numb areas. I’m not a physician, but I wonder what the long term effect of using lidocaine on her genitals and genital region has to her sexual feelings. This is something she needs to get answers to from doctors.

Thirdly, understand that it is very normal for your sex drive to be much higher than hers is, even if these two issues above did not exist. So you’re not the only guy who may get his hand slapped for trying to arouse his girlfriend when she’s just not ready for that yet.

Given all that, your question is legitimate and you have a right to an answer and a solution. My advice is that you’re going to have to get very, very creative, and explore all kinds of options that may get your girlfriend turned on (AFTER she sees her physician for the 2 above medical challenges). Some people use sex toys as part of couples’ play in bed, other people enjoy soft core porn together because it gets them both turned on if it’s the right kind of movie for the two of you. Maybe she needs you to become Mr. Super Seducer and start with some dirty talk or some sexual caresses that don’t necessarily lead to sex, but imply how sexually attractive you find her. Maybe it’s great lingerie with feathery mule slippers for her. You may want to take a walk together through a sex shop like the Penthouse Store or the Playboy Store or some other Pleasure Chest type shop and buy some things that she might be interested in. Since she says that she does masturbate, ask her if she’ll do it in front of you. Lots of couples incorporate this kind of sexual activity into their bedroom life as a couple, not just as something that is done alone, privately.

I hope I’ve given you some ideas that may resonate for you, as well as some reasons for her reduced libido.

Good luck! 🙂