joegamer1[quote=”April Masini”]I’m glad you understand now, why she didn’t update her Facebook status after having met you online.
[quote]I understand now why she isn’t updating her relationship status. That is why after 2 weeks when I asked her to update her relationship status she said she declined for a reason and then I said ” If u don’t want to update Facebook relationship status, you can just make your single status invisible from everyone for the time being. I will also do the same.” she said ” since when are we dating . I swear you haven’t asked me out. You just assumed”. So basically she expects to date me in person first. Do u think she might be dating other men as well ? And if I found out about that what should I do then.
Before I answer your question about whether she’s dating other men “as well” as you, let me help you understand what she’s thinking — the two of you are not dating. Dating means you’ve been to a movie together or had a meal together or taken a walk in the park and had coffee together. Dates are when two people spend time together in real life, to get to know each other. You haven’t dated. So when you ask if she’s dating other people “as well” as you, you’re trying to insinuate yourself into her life in a way that just hasn’t happened in reality. You met online and you have an online relationship, but you aren’t dating. I think it’s important for you to understand the difference between a dating relationship and an online relationship where you never meet or touch.
I always tell people to assume that during the first three months of dating someone, they’re dating other people, and so, too, should you. Dating is a way to get to know someone, and you can’t really decide if you want a commitment until you do get to know them. So giving yourself three months to decide if you want to continue seeing them is a great idea. That means that both of you should assume you’re dating others — especially since you don’t have a dating relationship with her.
And if you want to win her over, you’ll want her to be with you because she’s chosen you over other guys — not because you’ve restricted her. Same goes for any woman you’re involved with.
[quote]Also a day or two ago I indirectly asked her what would be her parents reaction when I visit your home because they did not approve earlier. She understood that I wanted to meet her parents and was annoyed at that or may be she was annoyed because she understood that I wanted her to update her relationship status.
I think she’s probably just annoyed that you’re jumping the gun and pretending that the two of you are dating, when you’re not. And when you press her to achieve dating goals, when you haven’t had a first date, creates a rift because it implies the two of you are in different realities.
[quote]I have heard that relationships in which men are older than their wives work as good as same age relationships. What is your opinion in my case.
I don’t think that age matters between consenting adults — but as I’ve said before, life experience can make a difference. There are wonderful relationships where there is a huge age difference, or none. But in this case, the bigger problem here is that you two haven’t dated, and you’re already thinking and talking seriously about marriage.
[quote]You said about that rule of thumb of three months. So in my case would you advice me to break it off with her ? Because i haven’t date her( in person) yet even after four months of meeting online. She and i did want to meet but because I live in another country so I have to take care of some things here before meeting her. She is ready to meet me anytime.
I think that when you embark on a long distance relationship without the means to take it to an in person relationship within three months, you’re not that serious about the relationship to begin with. People connect on the internet for all sorts of reasons — some want serious relationships, some want to avoid loneliness, some want to avoid fear of rejection. I think you chose a teenager because it can’t really lead to a real life relationship, and I think you haven’t dated her for some reason you haven’t talked about here. While you talk about being serious about marriage, your behavior doesn’t indicate that you are. I don’t think this girl you’re involved with online is serious about marriage or babies even though she’s talked about them with you.
If you really do want a real life relationship, my advice is to choose someone who is close by, who you can date, and who is ready for the same thing you are.
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Yes I appreciate your advice here. I am getting a much more clearer picture of the situation which is she does want to date me to give it a try and sees potential for serious stuff but hasn’t decided and/or ready for marriage yet. It may be possible she sees potential in others as well. So it will better for me to date her for three months at least before deciding about serious stuff.
As far as me seeing her. I live in another country. Visa restrictions are a problem . Also I have to take care of some financial matters here in my home country first.
You are right that in the current situation I should not be taking it negatively that she is seeing other men. Because I haven’t dated her in real yet. And also she does want to date me so I should not be that much worried. I should try to beat the competition instead.
Yes online relationships have problems. That is why it will be better for me to meet her in real first before long term decisions about me and her.
As far as about experience. What age do u consider “experienced ” enough for being able to take serious decisions?
