[April Masini, your AskApril]

For your son, I think you should try and make it work with your husband, as I’ve said before. Arguing over how to raise a step-child is very, very, very normal. Blending a family requires work, and that means making compromises and trying creative solutions. If this is the only thing you’re arguing about with your husband, then I feel even more strongly that you should try to co-parent and really work on those issues (if you want to be more specific about them, I’ll give you advice on them).

It sounds like you’re still cheating on your husband with this other guy, and that isn’t helping with the fighting. If you want to make the marriage work, you have to commit, and let this other guy go. Stop seeing him. And stop fighting with your husband. It takes two people to fight. If he starts, just walk away, and if you feel yourself starting, walk away. The fighting in front of your son is no good. Nothing you’re fighting about is that important — and stopping the fighting is more important than winning the fight.

The reason I think you should try to make this work is that if you’re not willing to roll up your sleeves and try to make this work…. you’re going to run into these issues in future relationships. I know this other guy you cheated on your husband with, says he loves you and you love him, but it’s very easy to fantasize a love with someone you’re not living with! Living with someone, with a child from another marriage as part of the family, is a lot of work under the best of circumstances…..

If you can stop cheating, and stop fighting, and things still don’t work out down the line… then you’ll have given it a fair shot, but right now, since you’ve been cheating since right before the marriage, you haven’t really been giving it your all. Time to do that! And…. if no matter what I say, you’re really committed to running off with this other guy, then there’s not a lot more I can say, except that I’ll be here for you if you have problems down the line…